WW Queen

In My Soul Today

2011-10-26T12:53:00.003-06:00

Just a few observations on the craziness that is our lives:

I have an air freshener in my car. It hangs by the rearview mirror. It has a pleasant pina colada scent that is fresh and clean. The rope it hangs on looks like hemp, as does the bag that holds whatever lies inside. And on the front of the hemp-looking bag is a picture of a palm tree that when paired with the bag and the rope, looks like marijuana hanging in my car.

Today is H's birthday. He took the day off, but I did not. He went on and on about cutting down the tree in the front yard, changing the oil in the car and writing a paper for class. I called a bit ago and he was in bed watching Mrs. Brown on Netflix, having just baked his own birthday cake.

I'm seriously considering taking off from work early today.

I get Friday off, as does Harold. We have a fun couple of days planned alone with no kids. The one thing at the top of our to-do list?

1. Do Absolutely Nothing.

I bought a potato from the food court at BYU yesterday. It was 1/3 rotten and the other part had mud on it from not being washed properly. I complained and got a hand-delivered $5 off coupon. I hope the next potato washer does a better job.

Is it a waste of a hotel room to just use it for sleeping in for about 24 hours straight?

I got a haircut. Love it. I prefer myself in short hair. My stylist mentioned that going to a haircut you love is like "coming home." I agree.

My boss is going to China next week. He is dreading it, but I'd like to stowaway. It's all in your perspective.

Happy Birthday Harold!!!

Missed Me, Missed Me, Now You Gotta...

2011-10-11T10:25:00.002-06:00

Really and truly? Today is my 6-month birthday at the new job. I guess I can't call it a new job anymore can I? I'm settling in, I'm getting the routine, I'm feeling like I can't use the "I'm new!" excuse any longer.

However, my sad, sad office is still quite bare. And, I'd love to rearrange it, but who can justify the cost of moving expensive furniture around? I can't do it myself, so that means I have to call moving and/or interior design, which costs money.

Did you know that everything at my new employer costs? It's kind of funny actually. There is a form, a procedure, and a cost associated with ev.ree.thing.

Case in point, several months ago I asked to get something that will hold my monitor OFF my desk. My monitor is in a weird spot and I'd like to move it off the desk to provide more worktop space. I asked about it, was referred to interior design, called them, they came out a few times to measure my space, then gave me a quote a couple months later (the cost became astronomical, at least to me), but I ordered because I truly believe this will help me. The order was placed a month or so ago and I have no idea when my new monitor arm and all its accoutrements will arrive. No idea at all.

One of my least favorite things to do is hire new faculty. Why? Because the process is long, arduous, filled with paperwork, processes, approvals, interviews with this office, the administration and with a general authority, offer letters, acceptance letters, contracts, returning of contracts....and we aren't even done with the process yet!

The reason this is my least favorite thing is because no one trained me on the process. Then when I had department chairs and/or new faculty asking me questions about the process I had ZERO idea of the answers. I hate that.

I really am okay with not knowing everything there is to know in the world, but when I'm hired to do a certain job, I want training! so I can then become the so-called expert. When people ask me, the so-called expert, about the process, I want to give them solid, true answers!

Things I Do Not Love About My Job:

1. Not feeling properly trained, but I'm overcoming that hurdle.

2. Being away from the kids.

Things I Do Love About My Job:

1. I truly like BYU as an employer.

2. My paycheck.

3. The people I work with.

4. I have my own office (wish it had a window!).

5. I get to work with students who are amazing.

6. I'm valued and appreciated here.

7. I've won over people who aren't easily won over.

8. I get to drive in with my good friend 2-3 times a week.

9. People fear me.

Okay, I'm kidding, nobody fears me. But, they do fear my phone number on the caller ID when I call and I think it is hilarious. And, I am an information center, and who doesn't love that? And, I get to exercise my powers to keep the information I have private and confidential. I know it sounds silly, but I really like being able to participate in confidential situations/conversations and I have the ability to keep my mouth shut.

There was a time in my life where I didn't think that was possible. And now you know too much about me....

Oh....and we did a sweet-sweet remodel on our front room/kitchen. My man pretty much amazes me and rocks the planet when it comes to trying things he has never tried and being so GOOD at those things. Our front room/kitchen is much improved and I am very, very pleased.

Oh...and we are paying off debt. I like that a lot.

Oh...and I've recently jumped a hurdle of self-doubt and feel so much better!

For now, that's all folks!

A Fresh Start

2011-04-07T23:24:00.002-06:00

I like Spring. Tulips are my favorite flower because of their ability to endure the long, cold winter and to pop up from the ground just as I feel like I need some hope. And they are extremely hardy looking and beautiful. I see myself in the same way. Hardy, enduring, and beautiful. I have a lot to offer, even with all my imperfections.

Today was my last day of work for Intermountain. When I started there almost 10 years ago I was full of fear and anxiety, wondering if I'd be able to learn everything I needed to become successful. Many of my fellow employees have left, a lot left disgruntled due to a corporate merge a few years back. I stuck it out because the corporate reshuffling didn't feel as personal to me. Soon after the corporatizing of my department, a new department opened up within transcription. Quality assurance and training. I applied and was hired, signifying that I was at the top of my game. I understood the principles of transcription, how to produce quality work in a timely manner, and I had the ability to teach this concept to others. I have been in that department for about 2-1/2 years. The original team I was hired with have all left, except my immediate supervisor. There had been a huge scheduling issue that many did not want to deal with any more. Neither did I. Due to that scheduling issue and to our family's need for a more stable financial future, I took the new job at BYU.

I clocked out for the last time today at 3:30 p.m. For some reason our department never feels the need to share which employees are leaving. Many are left wondering, "hey, whatever happened to so-so?" I told several of my friends of course, but the masses have no idea I've left.

Five minutes before I clocked out I got an IM from one of my new team members with the following message:

And she proceeded to send encouraging messages to me.

4, :) You have been such a great leader and trainer. Thank you for all you've done.

3 You are going to be terrific at your new job.

2 Finally out of your basement!!

1 You'll never be vitamin D deficient again!

And as I clocked out, alone in my basement except for the one IM conversation with Michelle, I cried and cried. Big, deep, heaving sobs.

I had felt successful at this job. I had felt like I was at the top of my game. I had felt the respect of many of my colleagues.

But here I sat, alone. No one seemingly cared. How do you leave a company after almost 10 years and people don't seem to notice?

This was the nature of my job. Alone in my basement; training, teaching and guiding from my desk chair.

But I had an angel with me today. As I thought about Michelle, who noticed that I was taking a huge step into my future today, I thought of the song, As Sisters In Zion. The line I thought of was this: The errand of angels is given to women. Michelle was on an angelic errand today, though she probably did not know it. She intuitively saw my need and came to my aid. She was my angel.

It's Spring and I need the sunshine. I need to feel the warmth on my back. I need to see the faces of my colleagues. I need to feel valued on a more personal level. I don't blame most of my coworkers for not noticing. I don't feel upset by what happened today, as the saying goes, "it is what it is."

I've never liked the whole New Year's fresh start thing. For me, my fresh start comes in Spring. I've cracked the hard, unforgiving ground of winter and am starting to make my way towards my source of light.

I didn't leave my job because I need personal contact with other adults, I get plenty of that already. But I consider it a perk that I will be able to sit side by side with some fantastic minds, learn from them, offer my skills to them, and soak in the energy of a college campus.

Spring has sprung! And Angels exist.

The New Job

2011-03-30T08:00:00.005-06:00

I've been looking around at different jobs on byu.edu for some time now. The thought of working for BYU has always seemed kind of ideal to me. The half tuition if my kids get accepted there is a huge plus of course. I have a great friend and neighbor who works there, so carpooling would rock. (Not sure if that will work out, but it'd be great if it did.) And if carpooling doesn't work out, it'd be fun to have lunch with her on campus. And, as most of you know, I loved the energy on campus when I went back to school a few years back.

BYU has had a hiring freeze going on for a while but back in January-ish they lifted the freeze so I started seeing more jobs listed. I saw a job for a department secretary and decided to apply about a month ago. The job sounded ideal to me, something I could really excel at and yet give me an opportunity to learn new things and completely change the industry I work in.

I have a few BYU connections, one of the most important ones is a friend who works in HR. He told me that the department that was hiring was the Teacher Education Department in the McKay School of Education. I was thrilled. Of all the departments to work at, teacher education seemed WAY cool to me. (I don't know if I ever mentioned this, but last year I applied and was accepted into the program at UVU for post-baccalaureate teaching cert. I ended up not accepting due to some personal things going on and then I ended up as YW Pres and that needed some attention, too.)

The TED sounded fantastic! Right up my alley. I got an interview 4 weeks ago today.

The night before my interview I received a call from Sandy. Sandy is my SIL's mom. Sandy works in the McKay School of Ed. in the Communication Disorders department as their secretary. She loves her job and she was telling me about both jobs in their college. I told her I had applied for the dept. sec. job and she insisted I should apply for the exec. sec. job with the dean's office. I hemmed and hawed a lot. I had read the job description of the exec. sec. and I just didn't feel that confident about applying. But after talking to her for a while, I felt like what the heck? I'll do it. So I applied for the exec sec job that night.

I met with the Department Chair the next day, her two assistant chairs, and the college controller (as well as another lady not from their department, but apparently BYU encourages bringing in people NOT from your own department for an objective viewpoint in interviewees).

The interview went really, really well. I felt so good about it. I left feeling like I completely nailed the interview. Another interesting tip about me. I interview well. I do. I haven't applied for a ton of jobs in my lifetime, but every single job I've interviewed for I've been offered the job. A couple of days later I started hearing from my personal references that they had been receiving calls about me from BYU. YIPPEE! If my references are getting called, that's a good sign, right??

Then about 6 days roll by and I get another call. It is the college controller telling me how well I did on my interview and that were going to do something unorthodox (not sure how it was unorthodox, but...) and asked if I would be willing to have another interview, but this time with the dean of the college. The dean was looking for a secretary. The exec sec job? Wow. I was truly flattered. But, apparently there were three of us who made the cut and were asked to talk to the dean.

I went in for that interview the next day, exactly one week from my original interview. This interview was fine. Not excellent in my opinion, but nothing went terribly wrong. I left feeling extremely nervous. I was a completely ball of nerve endings. I ended up pretty much crying my eyes out that night.

I called Sandy and cried on the phone to her about how I just didn't know if I felt right about that job. She was encouraging, offering to put some calls in to the dean's office. I told her I just didn't know if I even wanted her to do that. I was a wreck.

The next day I calmed right down after taking the advice of my husband, my father, and some really good friends. Don't fret until there is a job offer.

Then the next week, another call comes. Can you come in and meet with the dean again? This time another associate dean will be there who had been out of town the week previously. Sure, I can come in. So exactly two weeks from my original interview and one week from my interview with the dean, I head back over.

This interview went really well. I felt calmer. I felt like I connected on a more personal level with these people and I left feeling pretty calm and at ease. The dean told me I had made the short list. I asked, "how short is the list?" He told me I was in the top 2.

I was told the other candidate would be coming in a couple of days later for their 2nd interview and that based on the machinations of human resources, ecclesiastical endorsements, salary review, etc. that it would take a few days after they decided to get an offer. This was mid week, so I figured I wouldn't hear until the following week.

Then two days later I got a call. 5:30 p.m. on Friday afternoon. It's the dean himself. We would like to offer you the position of executive secretary. We feel you would fit right in here. We can see you have valuable skills and your personality and professionalism would be an asset, etc.

At that very moment, I knew this was the right decision. I had fretted HARD over this. I had cried numerous times. I had driven my husband crazy with my anxiety. My biggest worry is the kids. Especially in the summer. But I've made some plans to keep them busy and since Harold and I both feel that this job is an answer to prayer, we feel like we'll receive the help from the Lord we need, especially for our children.

I gave my current employer my two weeks notice on Monday and my first day at the dean's office will be April 11.

Severing ties with Intermountain was difficult. In June I would have marked 10 years with that company. I'm toying with the idea of asking the dean if he can buy me a new set of silverware as a sign-on bonus because that is the gift I was going to choose for my 10 year mark at IHC. Hey, what girl couldn't use new silverware? At least I was being practical and not picking jewelry!

My new job will have tons of responsibility and give a variety that my inner-ADD personality can really enjoy. I crave a job that has something new every day. I like new challenges, meeting new people, taking on new tasks. Bring it!

As it turns out, my record of always getting offered the jobs for which I've interviewed? I didn't get the dept. sec. offer, but I did get the exec. sec. job. I can't feel too bad about my record being blown, can I?

Can You See Why We're So Proud??

2010-11-13T07:02:00.002-07:00

Have 15 years really gone by that fast? I am so very very proud to be the mother of this girl. She is delightful, funny, interesting, smart, driven, and beautiful. She makes my life better every single day. She brings us joy beyond measure. She is our work and our glory. I thank my father in heaven for her.

Somewhere between January 7 (the day we got married) and January 14 of 1995 we decided we needed to have children. We thought the process might take a while, but no, we found out we would be parents by mid November. We were surprised to find we'd be parents before our first anniversary. And some even found our fast pregnancy kind of cliche. But I couldn't be more grateful to my heavenly father for his spirit that whispered to us that we were to be parents sooner rather than later.

Being a mother to this girl has filled me up and made me more complete.

Happy Birthday Pooky.

Sexy or Infectious?

2010-11-10T13:59:00.003-07:00

I have a cold. One of those weird head colds. I won't go into too much detail because that's just gross. However, I have a weird kind of voice going on. One of those cool Demi Moore deals...or at least that's how it sounds to my plugged up ears. Too bad my sexy voice isn't as alluring as I'd like to think....because shockingly my dear husband doesn't want to kiss these infected lips. Boo.

Lately I've been crazy busy. The good kind of busy. I'm enjoying the new calling, doing lots of fun things, WINNING THE STAKE VOLLEYBALL CHAMPIONSHIPS! Hello! I didn't see that one coming. The girls were seriously just out to have some fun. They were enjoying themselves immensely, win or lose. But it turns out in a double elimination tournament, we only lost once....and went on to the championship....and had to beat that team TWICE in one night. Three hours of intense games, me pacing, the girls throwing serve after serve after serve. Diving for the ball, figuring out how to return when the server on the other team is this close to being a professional v-ball player. It was fun to watch one of my counselors getting super intense. When the crazy semi-pro girl came up for service, just to break the server's stride. my counselor would call a time out. Hilarious. Once I caught Sav mouthing the ref, I told her to hold still, the ref made a good call. Then my daughter said, "I can't help it, I have Johnson in me." Ok, true dat. What can we say, Johnson's are sticklers for rules and, ahem, winning.

Have I mentioned how much I love my presidency? I'm feeling really good about our combination. And, have I mentioned how this calling has already challenged me in ways I didn't see coming? Oh...and...the girls really truly are great together. They have fun. They like being together. I hope that over time we can have so much fun and do so many great things, specifically that we can create spiritual experiences together, that I can call these girls "my girls." Camp is already stressing me out. I have no idea when we are doing camp or where. Hey, I've got 8 months right? Crud, did I say 8? Time.Is.Running.Out.

My girl got the 4.0 she worked for her first semester. My boy just got a Certificate of Merit for his entry into the Reflections contest. H. got accepted to the Master's in Mental Health Counseling program.

If only I could shake this cold....but if this cold is my trial, I'll take it. I've had much worse.

Oh Happy Day

2010-10-26T10:35:00.003-06:00

I love this picture. This picture is pretty much a statement about my hubby. He is happy, he likes to smile (and looks good doing it), he likes to go places with me (who do you think was behind the camera?), he LOVES to travel, preferably by plane, and San Fran is one of his favorite places to be.

And today is his birthday. Happy Birthday to my lima.

Remember what I said this morning? The first 20 years are a wash anyway....so you're pretty much in your 20s. Enjoy!

from, your sweet pea.

Prematurity

2010-10-11T11:55:00.002-06:00

This post may be a bit early, but I happened upon a post from January of this year and thought I'd do a quick self-eval. (Since I just had to do a self-eval for work, why not do one for my family life?

In January I posted about our family motto: The year of dangerously following your dreams and wishes strongly!!

Have we done this? Let's recount the year so far.

H: Started school. Hoping to get into the master's in counseling program. Dangerous, possibly. A dream, not sure. A wish, probably not. Strongly, always!

J: Nothing new that was in my control. Dangerous, sometimes. A dream, honestly? depends on how you look at it, sometimes nightmarish. A wish, never. Strongly, yes.

S. Straight A grades thus far. Dangerous, no. A dream, YES! A wish, YES x50! Strongly, you know it!

M: Sixth grade. Dangerous, sometimes yes. A dream, not so far. A wish, does wishing to get out of 6th grade count? Strongly, YESSIRREE!

Nichols clan: Our year thus far has been full of struggles, struggles I haven't blogged about. Dangerous, yes. A dream, no. A wish, no. Strongly, I'm proud to report, yes.

I'm proud of us. Life hasn't exactly attacked us, nor has it left us behind. So, we have had dangerous moments, not too many dreams or wishes are coming true, but I'm happy to say we've all been strong.

Strong and steady wins the race, right?

Acronyms Abound, the YWP version

2010-09-27T12:49:00.004-06:00

Some people may file this under the "What Were They Thinking?" category, but here I go: I was called, sustained, and set apart to be the Young Women's President in my ward yesterday.

The best response I had all day was this: As I was standing there after my name was called, waiting to be sustained, feeling the heat rise in my face and my legs shake a bit, one of the young women in our ward two rows ahead of us with a look of incredulity on her face said to me, "Did you know about this???"

Now that would be a hard pill to swallow, get a calling right over the pulpit like that. Makes me think of missionaries of yore. Those poor men, and their poor wives!

I've known for six weeks this was coming. The day I was called into the bishop's office I got a call at 8:00 a.m. from the exec. sec. "the bishop would like to see you and your husband." My initial thought was that the bishop was checking up on us. He knew we'd been through a rough patch and had said he wanted to talk with us a few weeks earlier, so I assumed we were going in for a regular old chit-chat. Then the thought came, he wants to talk to me and it has something to do with Young Women. But still, I denied denied denied. I'm good at that. But when the talk turned to me and my work schedule and my life responsibilities, I could see it coming. But even then, I didn't see THIS coming. I mean, are you sure? I'm not exactly a pillar of hugs, lovey-ness, and crafts. You may remember a couple posts back....I'm not a camper!

What does this all mean? It means I get myself some fantastic counselors and a rockin' secretary and go to work. Now that's something I CAN do. And I'm pretty good at delegation. And I'm super super excited to earn my own Young Woman Medallion (you see, I never earned mine all those years ago), and I get to surround myself with some amazingly fantastic girls whose personalities and testimonies amaze and humble me.

If I can only overcome the first hurdle......which is the mass amount of stink eye I got as the YW were saying goodbye to their old leaders. Yikes! This isn't my fault. I swear I didn't campaign for this. In fact, I always said I'd probably stink at being in YW. I just assumed I wasn't the type. The type always seemed to fit into a certain body mold which I broke through in the 10th grade. And the type always seemed to have perfect hair, perfect teeth, perfect lives. Perfect craftiness, perfectly done nails, perfect testimonies and perfect make-up.

Me, with my mascara that streaks, my hair that hangs flat, my pantyhose (if I even wear them) with runs going from waist to toe, my size {cough, cough}, my imperfect life, my over-opinionated self....

Where will you file this? Which category does this go under?

For me this one doesn't get filed yet. This one is a WIP (work in progress). This one will assuredly try me and test me. And fill me up, further than I've ever been filled before. Because that is how the gospel works.

I know my young women, can I call them that yet? My YW? Will they let me? I know my young women probably won't ever read this blog, but if you're out there one day, wondering how I felt about this most monumental occasions in my life, know this:

I love the Lord. I know He lives. I know His gospel has been restored. And I will do everything in my power to see that you have a desire to stay on the path that will lead you back to him, via the temple. I will do all I can to support your righteous parents in their your desires for your eternal future.

And, we are gonna have a blast! So brace yourselves, this ride may get bumpy.

The School Bell Ringeth

2010-09-23T16:41:00.002-06:00

School Updates:

The Boy: This story could go on and on. As many times as you've heard me rant and rave about SEPs, this one was different. This SEP was the first time I ever felt like maybe the teacher isn't a good match for my child. As we walked in, the boy was telling me how many times he has had to "pull a card," which essentially means he had some sort of behavior problem during class. Now, my boy has pulled a few cards in his day, but nothing like the amount he was reporting to me. I listened, tried to explain to the boy that there are times when talking during class is inappropriate. But, the more he described his experiences, the more my hackles were raised.

I went into the classroom and couldn't even look the teacher in the eye. Why? Because she was intimidating, even for me. She was about my age. But, she just came out of the gate so fast and so stern. I left feeling small, truly I did. This year, I need to pay close attention to the boy. Make sure he is getting the TLC he needs. He is a sensitive boy with a heart of gold. If the teacher makes a sweeping request, "Anyone talking right now, pull a card!" and my boy will go do it, because he's honest like that. Unfortunately, not all children respond the same way as my boy. So, he is constantly feeling berated and low in the classroom. Like I said, I gotta keep on eye on that.

The girl: This paragraph will be significantly shorter. Why? Here is the reason. All A's and one A-. I want to hug her and squeeze her and prance around showing off her grades for all the world to see. Her dedication so far is amazing. Go Girl GO!!!!

The husband: Yes, if I'm going to talk about school, the husband gets a shout out. He decided to enroll again. He's going to pursue a degree in counseling, an LPC to be exact. He will be in class for six weeks, and then he'll receive either a stamp of approval from some kind of LPC experienced round table, or a stamp of denial. If approved, he'll be in school for 2 years, then go into an internship for three more years. He's feeling good, feeling strong, feeling like this is the right pursuit. And, as his wife, I stand behind my man. Go husband , GO!!!

She Camps!

2010-09-07T15:06:00.003-06:00

Ok, that might be overstating things....just a bit. However, our family joined some good friends this weekend at a place in Fairview canyon and went a'camping. Hi ho, the merry-o, and all that.

Now, did you know I'm not a camper? Did you know that the entire time I grew up my parents never, ever took our family camping? When father's/son's would come up, my dad would entice the boys away from camping by luring them to a baseball game instead. And girl's camp? Nope. I went one year when we lived in Utah...but when we got back to California, I just wasn't interested. In fact, a lot of years when I'd go pick up my sisters at the church on a Saturday afternoon at the end of their girl's camp stay, I'd joke around with the mothers that were there that our idea of camping was a Motel 6.

Here's the deal: I like to shower. I do. I like being clean, doing my hair, and putting on make-up. I like flushing toilets. I like being comfortable at night, and not having a rock in my back, or be frozen solid when I "wake up" which is a complete joke, because I just don't sleep AT ALL while camping.

So, off we went to Fairview. But the clincher is this-Our friends have a camper. We got to sleep inside where it turns out, there was heat! and a bed! and a toilet! and a shower! Not to mention a kitchen and a refrigerator.

I was warm and able to flush a toilet! Ahhhhhhhh...............

And we did my very favorite activity of all time. Activity is actually a misnomer. We did nothing. Teehee....I love that!

My friend actually warned me that she and her husband might be boring while we were out. I was a-okay with that. I had a great time doing nothing. It rocked. And I can see why people go camping, but only with a camper! and with great friends!

Refined Palate

2010-08-18T13:05:00.002-06:00

I've become a bit of a foodie lately. Not because I fancy myself a home chef or anything, but because I've become addicted to food shows! Love 'em! Love watching food being selected, love watching ideas form, love watching the chopping and dicing, love hearing the description of how fragrant everything is as it cooks, and the piece de resistance! I love hearing how wonderful it tastes as the host rolls his/her eyes in the back of their head and enjoys.

Starting on Monday I got me some more Slim Fast. Yes, I know I talk about it way too much. But stay with me here. I got my SF and made my morning smoothie and....hmmm.....disappointing. What? I've been drinking that thing for almost 2 years and have loved it. I wondered to myself if SF had adjusted the recipe ever so slightly so that my own smoothie recipe was "off." I wondered again on Tuesday. And then this morning, I was making the smoothie the same way I always make it when it dawned on me that I had not been the person to fetch the SF from the shelf on shopping day. It was H. So.....then I thought, I wonder if H. got Chocolate Royale instead of Milk Chocolate?

And, yes indeedy, that is EXACTLY what happened. Well, even though I was a tad perturbed, the biggest sensation I got was satisfaction. Yes, satisfied that my palate was refined enough to know the difference between Chocolate Royale and Milk Chocolate. And people, go with Milk Chocolate when buying SF powder, I swear by it!

Now, does the sussing out of the ever so slight difference in taste/texture on SF mean I have a refined palate?

Why do we say our palate is refined anyway? The palate is the roof of the mouth. The roof of all places. Is that where we taste our food? Clearly foodies from early on may have had superior tastebuds, but did not have a great command of the English language. I guess saying "refined tastebuds" doesn't sound as fancy? But let me tell you, tastebud sounds totally great compared to the real name of tastebuds. Are you ready?

There are four types of tastebuds: fungiform papillae, filiform papillae, foliate papillae, and circumvallate papillae.

Drum roll please......I indeed have refined papillae! Which type? I'm gonna go with the fungiform papillae, just because it sounds so yummy!

Ok, so my palate isn't refined. Because if it was I would like things like shrimp, lobster, and crab legs, right?

But, on the other hand, I despise places like Applebee's.

There must be some hope for me yet!

Size Me Up.....I mean Down

2010-08-17T14:31:00.003-06:00

I bought a new pair of jeans from the Park City Outlets the other day. And, as a probably very long aside....What the heck is it with outlet malls? They are overcrowded and OVERPRICED! Harold and I had a long discussion about this. Why do they call it outlets? The assumption is that the outlets are filled with bargains galore. Nope. Very few bargains, just like regular malls/stores.

We parked in a very, very far spot because I had spilled lunch on myself (shocking!) and wanted to change my shirt in the car. I prefer not to change clothes in front of other people as a general rule, so we were trying to find a secluded spot. Then, when I was clothed once again, we meandered....I mean HIKED to the Gap where the rest of our party was waiting.

Then, inside the gap, in the middle left corridor, I found the clearance rack. I love clearance racks. When I find something wonderful, it's wonderful. Unfortunately that doesn't happen as often as I'd like.

But on Saturday, I found a size 16 jean. Now, if you are all appalled at the size, stop reading now. You and I are officially NOT friends! But, if you stop and realize that I started the weight loss journey at a size 24.....then 16 sounds mighty fine indeed!

So I found the 16 jeans for $5.97. What? I was thrilled! I didn't bother trying the jeans on because I knew they wouldn't fit. Yet.

But when I got those jeans home I put them on and they came all the way up my legs. Yay! But, to wear these bad boys outside the house would require a very, very long shirt to hide the fact that the zipper was not going to interlock in any way, shape, or form in the near future. Not on this body.

This revelation has led me to two things:
1. I need to step up my aerobic workout game. I need to start setting goals!
2. I need to start doing some sort of repetitive tummy tightening exercise.

As for #1. Today I ran further than I've run in a while. I was pushing myself and it felt good. I was out of breath and pretty worthless for conversation, but my running buddy was nice enough to step up her game and talk more. :) And, after sitting in my work chair for about 45 minutes, I went to go upstairs and OUCH, everything was sore! Now I just need a goal.

So here it is: I need to be running 3 miles straight without stops by the end of August. I think that is a pretty reasonable goal.

As for #2. I had a book around here somewhere that had exercises for every part of your body that you could do in 8 minutes a day. I need to find that book!

I have decided. I am a goal-making, covenant-keeping girl. And there you have it.

Cheater, Cheater

2010-08-09T12:28:00.004-06:00

I cheated on my fling. Instead of ice cream in a bowl (did you know that every time I write bowl in my posts, that I first spell it as bowel? This is due to my occupation, but I find it funny), I've had shakes instead.

We were on the road this weekend. We took a trip to Nowheresville, USA (AKA, Rawlins, Wyoming {I apologize to my MIL as that is where she is from, but I think she might agree with me}) to meet up with Harold's brothers and their families and watch trains. Yes, we drove 4 hours each way to watch trains, people! Ok, we really went to see the fam. The trains were a nice addition (per the train aficionados).

Anywayz....In Evanston, WY we stopped in both directions to switch drivers (AKA get a shake at Arby's). I totally adore the vanilla shakes from Arby's. The flavor is Dee-Vine. I had to run into the ladies room while H. went through the drive-thru and he ordered me a large both times. UH, I ordered a LARGE vanilla shake! Wow.

So, I cheated on my one true love. It's like I traded up for the newer, younger, more hip model. I feel guilty.

And my scale didn't like it either. Could it be because the shake takes like a whole freakin' gallon o' ice cream to make one large shake?

Never again my love, never again.

In retrospect, I shouldn't diss on Rawlins like that. Our Holiday Inn Express was SAH-WEET. So pretty! So clean and new! And the manager (girl) at the desk has lived in Rawlins her whole life and was EXTREMELY helpful. And, she let us have a late checkout for free. Just because I asked all sweet and stuff.

Oh, and my kids and their cousins made a video whilst dancing through all three floors of the HIE. And we weren't kicked out. Bonus.

(P.S. I feel I must insert this, before I get into trouble. Wyoming isn't a bad place, it just feels kinda desolate to me. I live in a wrinky dink town in Utah and I love it, despite that many others think it's a major hole in the wall kinda town. And, I really love to go by H.'s grandparents house every time we visit. Whoever owns it now still keeps it looking fresh and clean, just like I imagine it was back when the Huggins lived there. I like to imagine little H. going through the back door, letting it slam behind him, and Grandpa H. saying "don't let the door slam!! So, even though I poke a bit o' fun at Rawlins, I appreciate what it brought to me. My H. Whom I adore. And I truly look forward to meeting Grandma and Grandpa Huggins one day and hopefully they won' t think I'm too big of a brat.)

Ice Cream Diet

2010-08-04T15:02:00.002-06:00

I've been a very naughty girl. If I had to go report to my surgeon's office right now, I'd have to hang my head in shame and fess up to a myriad of sins. But my biggest, most offensive sin, that pretty much encompasses a multitude of other minor sins is this:

For the past 2 weeks or so I have replaced at least 6 meals each week with ice cream.

Breyer's Rocky Road, Blue Bunny Peanut Butter Panic, Private Selection Peanut Butter Passion, Blue Bunny Berry Me Please, Farr's Chocolate Peanut Butter.

Yep, I remember the names of my ice cream flings. Every.single.one.

The really bad part of this sin? No consequences that I can see, because the scale has been going down. Yep, you read me right, down.

I have stopped snacking during the day as well, from all the guilt I feel from the ice cream meals.

So, a Slim Fast shake in the morning, and a meal or two of ice cream and....I'm done for the day! Is that was the Slim Fast people meant when they talked about meal replacement?

I'm sure the inside of my body is screaming in disgust.

But I'm down 60 pounds now. After almost two long years. I wish I had known about the ice cream plan way back when.

Today I got my act together and heated up some leftovers from Sunday dinner for my lunch. I got stuck after only about 7 or 8 bites. And I had to throw up.

And I missed my ice cream fling!

I know, I know

2010-08-03T12:38:00.002-06:00

I swore I was going to blog more, I made the announcement that I was "back." Well, I lied. Not on purpose, of course. I would never, ever lie on purpose. Except a few times as a crazy teenager. But even then I usually fessed up to my wrongdoings. I was a talker then and a talker now. I tell all.

I don't think I tell more than people want to know, but maybe I do. I just share. I don't have secrets. I don't like to hide. In fact, I end up telling people personal stuff more than once because I talk about it so much I can't remember who I've told. Now I'm pretty sure some of that is presenile dementia. (I love a good self-diagnosis. Makes me all warm and fuzzy. You gotta love a medical transcriptionist with just enough medical vocabulary and knowledge to be very, very scary.)

So, here's me telling all, fessing up. This month has been a living nightmare. No, really. I'm not kidding.

You know those people who go to church and say, "I have a hard time coming here because everyone else's lives look so perfect." You know those people? Well those people are talking about me.

Me with my wonderful husband and two outwardly decent children. No infants, no diapers. Nothing is ever wrong, it seems. We go to church every week, we pay our tithing, we sit all quiet and cleanly dressed. We serve in our callings, we don't make waves. Harold makes our yard look nice. We drive cars that work. Our children participate in YW and Scouts.

Well, I got news for "you people!" My life is far from perfect.

Having said that, I cannot in good conscience reveal why my month has been so utterly, terribly bad. Because that would violate a trust.

But, if you were ever looking around, thinking others have their "lands and gold," think again.

Count your many blessings, name them one by one.

I promise you, even though I have had a month I would rather never, ever re-live....I, too, am blessed beyond measure. I, too, am surprised at what the Lord has done for me.

Yesterday, after our horribly terrible no-good month, I was blessed with a feeling so powerful and so peaceful and beautiful that the Lord was literally WITH my dear husband. Yes, He loves us. And He loves you, too.

And that is truth.

Cracka

2010-06-23T13:42:00.002-06:00

Here it is, the code:

The numbers represent GPA (good job, Ms. Janet) and the initials represents the names of the books in the Hunger Games series (Ms. Collette, nicely done!).

Sav needed some inspiration to complete her school year, so I wrote the code:

3.0 HG
3.1 CF
3.2 MJ

She earned all 3 books. Yay!

However, I know those grades are NOT going to cut it starting this fall, her freshman year. We've talked about it at length and hopefully I can find a good motivator for her. Because apparently telling her that her father and I cannot afford to pay for her college education isn't quite the motivation a 14 year old finds, well, motivating.

Come On, Show Me What You Got!

2010-06-22T20:05:00.001-06:00

3.0 HG
3.1 CF
3.2 MJ

I've only had one entry in regards to the above code. Unfortunately, the guess was wrong (sorry Holley!)

However, here's another chance. There is actually a hint in my last post, maybe more than one hint actually.

Code Crackers of the Blogger World Unite!!

White Board

2010-06-21T13:15:00.005-06:00

Two whole months. Writer's block? Life block? Nonetheless....She's baaaack!

I've been tossing a post around in my head, waiting for my camera to take a picture of our white board. Then...suddenly, my daughter erased the white board and put new quotes up.

Super Sad Face:

But, I HAVE to blog about the whiteboard post-apocalypse.

Here were the entries:

"If music be the food of love...play on." Shakespeare

"Katniss, there is no District 12." Gale, Catching Fire

If you ever want to know what is on the mind of a 14-year-old girl, get a whiteboard, some dry erase markers and never, ever pass judgment on what is written.

There was also a code on the whiteboard, written by yours truly:

3.0 HG
3.1 CF
3.2 MJ

If you can figure out the code.....I will personally write an entire post on what a smarty pants you are! Go ahead, give me your code cracking skills, your amazing brain yearning to break free! Comments encouraged!!

And now.....drum roll please......
My latest and greatest get-rich-quick scheme? Ok, maybe more like a take-charge-of-my-financial-future plan. A teaching certificate. Secondary education. Teaching English to junior high or high schoolers. Crazy, you ask? Possibly. Still talking over my options with my better half? Yes indeedy!

As for exercise? You really want to know? Yep, I started up again. I am on my former 3.25 mile route, with a friend. Walk/running. I had lost 3-4 pounds in 2 weeks....but as of yesterday morning the 3-4 pounds found me again. What the? Seriously? Not fair. I did absolutely NOTHING to deserve that one. I have no explanation.

I've decided, I'm just going to keep plugging along. I feel great when I exercise! It's fantabulous!

What Happens in this DoJo, does not necessarily STAY in this DoJo

2010-04-19T13:13:00.002-06:00

Yesterday we drove up to my parents house for a family dinner. On the way we saw a couple peeps on motorcycles. We all noticed that these guys had one hand on the accelerator and the other hand resting on their left leg.

My kids asked why.

We explained that their hand and arms probably got tired and maybe even went to sleep while these guys were driving. At that point I made the comment that I had no idea how motorcyclists drove their bikes, especially the ones where the handlebars are literally above their heads.

Fast forward a few hours.

We're on our way home and I glance to the back seat. Both my children have their arms raised high above their heads, for no apparent reason.

Me: What are you doing?
Them: Seeing if we could drive one of those motorcycles all the way home?
Me: Why?
Them: {Laughter}

I look at H., he looks at me....and we just shake our heads and give a quiet chuckle. We then proceed to have adult conversation while they "do their thing" in the backseat.

Fast forward about 35 minutes and from the backseat we hear this:

Them: Do we feel pain in this DoJo?

Them, answering: NO Sensei!

I look back again and they STILL have their arms high above their heads....and then H. and I start laughing hysterically.

Have I ever told you how hilarious I think the word DoJo is? And how Sensei is another one of my favorite laugh-guarantee words?

And how my kids are constantly cracking us up and how I'm so glad my kids are funny! You probably had to be there....but trust me, it was Hull-Air-E-Us.

Something that made me LOL

2010-04-14T14:16:00.004-06:00

(I have a whole vacation post coming...eventually.)

In the meantime, today's LOL moment goes to S.

S. comes home from school today and says: Man it's hot!

Me: Hot down here (basement)?

S.: Hot everywhere! And someone was wearing really strong perfume!

Me: Yea, I can smell it on you, you must have picked it up.

S.: Sniffs her wrists. "That could be it."

And that is when I started laughing out loud. And so did she.

That was awesome.

The Best Medicine

2010-04-02T06:24:00.005-06:00

The official medical word is that there was no cancer in either the colon or the small bowel. However, 12/25 lymph nodes were positive for metastatic carcinoid tumor. The tumor board meets on Wed. to decide the next course of action.

The official word from a priesthood blessing has a much brighter outlook and brought us all closer to the spirit as well as a lot of comfort.

For more details, call me. Otherwise, know this: The gospel is true. The priesthood is a power that can create worlds and can heal my sister.

There may be a long road ahead, but this knowledge will see me through, as will my faith in the savior Jesus Christ, who willingly took all sin and suffering upon himself so that I could be with my family forever.

On a lighter note: I finally saw a surgeon for my shoulder (yay). Diagnosis: Rotator cuff inflammation (not the official diagnosis, that is my interpretation). He says I'm too young to have an actual tear. Yay, I'm too young for something! So, I got a steroid injection, a Rx for antiinflammatories (which I may or may not be able to take due to previous stomach surgery), and a Rx for physical therapy with my bishop. I hear he's good!

I really dug my surgeon. We talked a bit, he is turning 40 this year. When I was receiving my shot I told him I thought the shot felt funky. He says, and I quote, "funky cole medina." To which I replied, "Dude, you ARE turning 40." We got a laugh outta that. We also talked about my occupation as a transcriptionist and he asked if I ever type his reports. I do. Then I made a couple of suggestions to help his reports be better and he called me, in a reverent voice, "a genius."

He and I will be close friends, I can tell.

All I Need is a Miracle

2010-03-29T17:42:00.003-06:00

A little over three years ago I was told I had cancer. My run with cancer lasted about 6 weeks and it was over. Quick as a wink. I've often thought that I don't fit into the cancer crowd. I never had radiation or chemo, never lost my hair. All I needed was a few incisions, a removal of some affected parts, and VOILA! Cancer free.

At the time of diagnosis I was worried. I distinctly remember talking to my father one day. I had rehearsed to him the many, many miracles we as a family had experiened. I felt overwhelmed with gratitude for those blessings, but I wondered if we had used up our miracle quota. He assured me that, no, we had another miracle coming our way.

Last week, during a routine appendectomy, cancer was found in my sister's appendix. Tomorrow she goes in for removal of her right colon and some small bowel.

Today, I want to pass on my assurance to my baby sister. We have another one coming. We are a covenant family and we can expect miracles.

See how easy that is?

Miracles never cease.

Bright Side

2010-03-25T12:50:00.004-06:00

I finally, finally got an appt to see an orthopedist about my shoulder. In addition to the pain I feel if I lift my arm up, I'm losing strength. Not good.

I started walking again with H. and my back feels tons, tons better. After my last post my back pretty much went out on me for about 2 days. Wow. I got a muscle relaxer from my PA friend, as well as a lidocaine patch....neither of which helped, at all. Which leads me to my self-diagnosis of a bulged disc. But, since my back is feeling terrif right now, my shoulder comes first.

We have a vacay coming up and we still don't have firm plans. H. likes to get outta town, but I'm always crying coming up with the same excuse....moolah! So, we are trying to find a happy medium. But we could very well end up sticking around town and seeing dollar movies all week! :) I think the kids really don't care, they'll just be glad to be with us, having fun together.

Have I mentioned how much I like my kids? I talked with a friend recently whose daughter is pretty much being a major nightmare. This made me reflect on my kids and right now, they are pretty much rockin' the good kid planet!

S. got into the chamber choir for next year. YAY! I'm super, super proud of her. She rears her teenage head occasionally, but so far, so good. My sister keeps telling me it was when she turned 15 that she brought out her version of a she-devil and that I need to watch out. As of right now, I'm bracing myself and hoping. Overall, when I show love and kindness, that is what I get in return. She's a great girl.

I got a call yesterday from a neighbor mom telling me what a great kid M. is. Now, I already know this, but she proceeded to tell me that when her son got beaned in the head w/ a rock by another neighbor boy, it was my kid who was first on the scene making sure her kid was a-ok. This mom told me that if all of her son's friends were named M., she'd be happy. Wow, what a great compliment. I'd like to take credit, but that kid came with a spirit full of love and compassion and I'm just feeling like the lucky recipient.

H. applied for a volunteer position with the city. We have no idea what the city committee is looking for, but if he gets it we are seriously considering taking our house off the market. We are both in the big black hole we call indecision.

H. used to mock me because when we would peruse the toy section at pretty much any store, I would inevitably find the Magic 8 Ball and ask it a major life question. He would roll his eyes and shake his head, certain his wife was on the fast track to idiotville. I sure wish I had a M8B that would answer this question for us now.

I know, I know. Turn to the scriptures, pray. Well, we've been doing that and there is still a big 'ole void in front of us. There are lots of interpretations for the void. Stupor of thought? Lack of faith? Only time will tell.

Tick tock, tick tock.......

I've heard spring is here, but I haven't witnessed it because I'm stuck in my basement 35 hours a week. Is the sun shining? I need to get the sunshine in my soul, that way it won't matter what the weather is outside.

Age-Related Concerns

2010-03-03T16:05:00.008-07:00

I'm hoping I don't sound all whiney or anything, but I'm seriously concerned about having turned 40 and now it feels like my body is falling apart.

Exhibit A: My rotator cuff. Now, I haven't been to the doctor, but my local friend who is a PA (and since he is my friend he diagnosed me for free) told me I have torn my rotator cuff. Now, without magnetic resonance imaging, the extent of the tear remains a mystery. Here is a pic of what I think my cuff looks like:

Why does both my (free) PA and I think this? Because I can't lift my arm over my head without severe pain. Also, in trying to lift my arm, I overcompensate with my chest muscles, trying in vain to get my right arm to do what my left seems to do without any trouble whatsoever.

An MRI would be the final diagnostic tool and a few weeks ago I would have been fine with an MRI. But then my dad asked if I had ever had an MRI.

Me: Nope, never.
Dad: Are you claustrophobic?
Me: I don't think so.

Then he proceeds to describe how after you are rolled into an MRI machine the walls of the machine pretty much surround you and give you about 1 inch of wiggle room on all sides. And, only your feet stick out.

Now I'm starting to feel all claustrophobic just thinking about this. I mean, what if we have a major catastrophe and I'm stuck in this machine as the hospital falls around me, and the orderlies and nurses run screaming from the room to save themselves? I mean, I might be magnetically charged the rest of my life, never able to even be several feet within anything made of metal. I'd be so magnified that I would draw leftover nails from construction 10 years ago out of the ground! And no more underwire bras for me! I'd never get them off again. Ok, really I'm just scared of being crushed to death in that horrid machine. Honest to goodness, I'd rather have exploratory surgery to confirm my diagnosis than go into an MRI machine at this point! Who knew I was so claustrophobic??

Exhibit B: My vision. You might recall I lamented last year about getting trifocals. Even though I have the "right" glasses, they don't work. No lie. I can see distance no problem, but there is no way I can read close up...or at middle distance. And it's getting worse. I was recently at a darkish "romantic"-like restaurant. It's a good thing I knew the menu already because I couldn't read a darn thing!!

Can you read this? Probably, but I can't.

Exhibit C: Last night I started feeling all weak in my back, and then the pain hit. I had H. give me a massage in my lower back, but it didn't help! I tossed and turned all night. And what I mean by that was every time my back hurt (a lot) I had to grip either the sheets or the side of the bed and use my arm strength to roll myself over. Not pleasant, not easy.

Yes, that is the region where my pain is. No, my bee-hind isn't that firm.

OUCH!

And, as a pleasant reminder that yes my body is fragile in more than 3 regions, I just cut myself on a can lid while attempting to make homemade bean soup that is served half and half with Canadian Cheddar Cheese soup. Not just a run of the mill cut while cooking; deeper, but not deep enough to need stitches (I know this because I couldn't see anything like fatty tissue or muscle on the inside of my cut). The cut is on my thumb, on the inside, near the bendy part. No bendy no more! I had to pull out the hydrogen peroxide, sterile bandages, Bactroban, tape...and now I'm all fixed up and thankfully all my thumb needs to do on this keyboard is hit the very large space bar. I actually think I'm typing better than normal, but I think I taped this too tight as I'm starting to lose feeling in the tip of my thumb.

AHHHHH, life is good people. I'm alive enough to "feel" and you know what, despite all the aches, pains, cuts, bruises, tears (rhymes with pears), and bluriness, I'm feeling good!

D is for Delilah

2010-02-16T14:17:00.004-07:00

We got back yesterday from visiting Dale and Leisa in St. George. It's February, the weather has been cold up here and we've missed having Dale over for Sunday dinner. Now that he's hitched, Harold and Dale planned a visit.

I was hoping, crossing my fingers, that Leisa was ok with the four of us descending on her new home/new life. Of course, Leisa is fantastically easy going, so I wasn't ultra worried, but as a woman with a home, sometimes visitors are hard to bear, even when you love them to death.

So, on Friday after the kids got out of school we packed up (after thoroughly cleaning our house, just in case we had walk throughs-which we did not! UGH!) and headed down to Dixie.

While driving into town we asked the kids if they knew what the big "D" on the hill stood for. Savannah's answer, in a sing-song voice, "De-li-lah....."

We arrived at 8 p.m. and D&L had dinner prepared for us (how nice!). The trip took only 3 hours....which is pretty much the best time for out of town visits. Any more than 3 hours and I start to go all rigid with unhappy anticipation.

On Saturday we had a very full day, after homemade french toast, the day started with the "hike of fame" which I blogged about.

The hike was more like a meandering path. I DIG those kinds of hikes! The view was pretty sweet and Harold and Dale got to do some serious plane watching, which meant Leisa and I got a chance to chat while the guys hung back.

After the hike we showered and headed to the Jacob Hamblin home as well as Brigham Young's winter home. We also went dinner, swimming, and bought some cupcakes.

Saturday was a VERY full day.

Sunday started with a tradition from Leisa's family, pink pancakes and pink milk. So fun! I wish I had more fun traditions that I had brought into my marriage!

We lazed around a bit and then went to church......where the bishop's wife thought I was Leisa's mother! UGH!

Now, Leisa is a lovely girl. If my daughter turns out like Leisa, I'm gonna be a pretty happy mama.

All I could think was, I'm not old enough to be Leisa's mother. Then I did the math and guess what, Yes I am old enough. If I had gotten married the day after I graduated from HS and got married and PG right away, I could be her mother!

Man, this was a major blow!

A girl in RS redeemed the moment by asking if we were sisters. Now, sisters I can handle, especially since I think Leisa is so pretty!

After church we had a superdelish dinner and then walked over to the temple and checked out the visitor's center. After that we walked back and had cake and played games.

Monday we went to the park that we had heard so much about the kids got some energy out! (yay for quiet rides home in the car!)

Then we had lunch and vamoosed.

What a terrific weekend. Here's why Dale and Leisa's parents should be proud:

1. They made every single meal together. They worked side by side in the kitchen, quietly consulting each other, and preparing some yummy meals.
2. They had everything we needed, a bed, shower, toiletries, etc.
3. They planned out the entire weekend with fun, no-cost activities where we got to really spend time together and enjoy eachother's company.
4. They made us feel at home.

Thanks St. George Smith Family!!! You made our stay so enjoyable, we'll probably be back, so brace yourselves. But, we'll only be coming in the Jan-Apr months because any other time and it'll be too hot for this flower!

Can you say 66 degrees when we left Dixie? Man oh man, it was scrumptious.

(Our camera died after 1 shot....lame.)

To Quote Britney Spears....

2010-02-10T13:53:00.003-07:00

Ooops, I did it again.

I watched The Biggest Loser. And ate. And cried.

What is going on here?

To my (our) credit, H. and I have been walking for two weeks now in the bitter cold a.m. YAY!

Most days I've been tracking my calories...until yesterday. M's bday.

And today, leftover cake day.

Jillian would be mortified.

Bob would forgive me.

The good news is that since Feb 3 I've gotten my weight back down to my "threshold."

Now it's time to crank it up and start going down again.

Without divulging my current weight, let me just say that this number is NOT the one I thought I would get hung up on. I had a couple of major milestones in my head where I knew mentally I might slow down, but this wasn't one of those numbers.

We are planning on going on a small hike on Saturday. A couple of years ago I would have flat out refused. Today I told Harold, as long as it isn't crazy serious hiking.

Why? Because I've hiked and always, always been the last one to come up the hill....breathing heavy, sweaty and completely embarassed. (Once, on my mission in Scotland, when I finally arrived at the top, I was called upon to lead the zone in a song....for realz? I mean, I was 100% embarassed then. The rest of the zone had been there a while, had a while to rest....not me, I looked horrific.)

But today, now, I can at least know that it doesn't matter if I'm last or sweaty, there is no need to be embarassed because I'm gonna do it! If I'm last, I don't care. I'm just gonna do it, because I can.

Anyone out there lost a serious amount of weight, 100 pounds or more? I'd love to sit down with someone like that and pick their brain.

The Give Away

2010-02-04T19:50:00.002-07:00

Now don't go getting all excited, thinking I'm doing a giveaway right here on my little ole' blog....I'm talking about the Big Candy Giveaway of 2010.

I was thinking early this afternoon how I could have a little bit of the candy in my purse, yes the aforementioned candy in my previous post. I thought that half of the candy would be an ok fit into my daily caloric goal.

Then I remembered....one of my other goals was to give the candy away. And, I stopped myself from eating any.

Then, Mack comes home from school and as I'm walking by my purse I remember and stop and say,

Me: Hey, (as I'm rifling through my purse).......

Mack: Hunh?

Me: (As I hand over the goods)...Here!

Mack: (With a puzzled expression as this is the same Reese's 'egg' he requested days ago) Hunh?

Me: Take it, eat it!

Mack: (Shrugging...) Ok.

Then, I wait for Sav to come closer, which she does.....

Me: (Rifling through said purse again...) Here.

Sav: (As I hand her my Take 5 gets an even more puzzled expression than M. did.) Hunh?

Me: (I just look at her.)

Sav: Can I eat this?

Me: Yep, it's all yours....(as I walk away....happy and sad all at once.)

I'm a little saddened by:
1. The loss of my candy, and...
2. The fact that my kids are completely puzzled by my giving said candy away. Why are they puzzled? Because they are USED to their mother being a piggy. Nice.

If I'm Not Talking About It.....

2010-02-04T08:10:00.003-07:00

I'm a creature of habit, not all good habits mind you, but I am fairly deeply entrenched in certain habits. The one I'd like to talk about today is this: If I'm not talking about it, I'm not doing it.

I was going to mention this in yesterday's blog, about how if I don't report about my weight loss efforts, it's because there have been NO WEIGHT LOSS EFFORTS.

When I'm feeling extremely motivated or extremely discouraged, I talk about it. When I just don't want to bother, I lurk and hide in the shadows of other parts of my life.

Congrats to me, I'm out from behind the shadows!

Yesterday I vowed to stay on track calorie-wise because it was already 8:00 a.m. when my motivation hit me and exercise was a thing of the past. (I know, right? At 8 a.m. if I haven't exercised, it AIN'T gonna happen!)

My goal was 1200 calories. This sounds low, I know. But my happy band makes it so I am seriously NOT hungry on 1200 calories. The only time I found myself wanting MORE yesterday was when I was snacky and thinking about the Reese's and Take 5 in my purse. I didn't eat them, I swear, they are still there people, in my purse.

So I ate 1400 calories. I'm seriously fine with that. It turns out my body burns calories at a rate of 2000 per 24-hour period. So, that leaves me with a 700 calorie deficit.....times that by 7 days in a week and I burn 4900 calories per week over my basic rate. 3500 calories per pound and voila! I'm in the going DOWN category, rather than the going UP category.

Can I sustain this? I don't know. And, I tend to lose weight better when exercising.....so.....if I can burn 300 extra calories every single day, sticking to 1400 cals/eaten.....then that is a 1000 cal deficit, leading to a loss of 2 pounds per week on average.

And I'm ok with that.

But.....and everyone has a big but.......I'm not ready to give away/throw away the candy in my purse. Safety net? Probably not the appropriate term. More like a snare. Maybe one of my goals today will be to give my candy away to my children (who actually burn calories every day because they enjoy running around with their friends). M. has already begged me for the Reese's and I flat out told him NO WAY Brothuh! He was disappointed, but probably more disgusted than anything else. I mean, why would I need two candy bars in my purse anyway?

That settles it, todays GOALS:
1. Give candy away.
2. Drink water........I'm pretty sure I don't drink enough water. When I do drink enough water I see the inside of my bathroom appr. every 20 minutes.
3. Stick to calorie goal.

Oh.....and I don't need to worry about exercise because Harold was actually out of bed and said to me, "are we going on our walk?"

HALLELUJAH!!! Thank you, thank you, thank you Harold!!!

Even though on our walk we had a heated discussion about nursing school. A healthy debate is a good thing, right?

Return and Report

2010-02-03T08:09:00.003-07:00

You know how I blog about exercise and weight loss? You know how a few weeks ago I said I was all motivated to exercise again? You know how I've been holding steady on my weight for a long, long time?

Harumph!

After I blogged about exercise I ended up exercising twice. Then I lost my motivation again. Then this week I told H. "That's it! I'm going OUTSIDE in the bitter cold to walk, are you coming with me?" To which he responded, "Yes."

We walked Monday and Tuesday. Then this morning I just couldn't face the cold. Just couldn't.

So, I get on the scale and I've been seeing it creep up a bit here and there and I am now 2.5 pounds above my threshold. Could that be from no exercise and eating an entire shake last night? Not to mention that I keep buying candy "for my purse." Take 5's, Reese's, etc. Plus I made a quiche last night that was ultra-fatty (and delish).

But I am here to tell you....even though staying in bed feels nice, and even though eating candy sure tastes good going down, and even though I cannot blame 2.5 pounds on just a couple of days, and even though I work on my back side for A LOT of hours each day, and even though I've been turning to food lately for comfort.

I'm done.

I feel icky. Super, duper icky. I need to bottle this feeling and open the bottle up at 6 a.m. every day so that I remember I'd rather be out in the crazy coldness than sit at my desk feeling like crud.

I can open my bottle of ickiness while waiting at the checkout, as I slyly eyeball the candy.

I can open my bottle of ickiness while I sit at dinner and take 30-45 minutes to eat ALL I WANT....even though my band nurse tells me to stop eating after 20 minutes. At 20 minutes the bottle will be unleashed so that I take the plate away and STOP.

I can open my bottle of ickiness every single day while I count calories, because I'd rather do mental calorie calculations than sit here feeling so gross.

I cannot even describe how gross I feel right now. I haven't exercised this morning, I haven't eaten anything yet, I haven't gotten showered or dressed (I'm in a robe). I have 11 hours of work ahead of me today.

All the yuck adds up people and I feel as if I'm wallowing in ICK.

Oh, and financially I don't know if I can go to nursing school. And, if I start back now, I'd be going to school as my kids go through some very serious formative years. If I could do school all by itself w/o working....I could do it. But we need my paycheck.

So, I'm feeling all sorry for myself on all kinds of levels today.

Change

2010-02-02T13:43:00.002-07:00

Life is full of them, right? Every time you turn around something is different. Then there are those days where it seems like life is the same day in and day out.

I read a blog "Ode to Groundhog Day" and I could relate....but instead of thinking in the morning that this day will be the same as the last, here is what I think:

At night, just as we are about to put the kids to bed, I think, "Really? I'm going to sleep now and everything will start over again tomorrow?" Again and again and again.

But lately change has happened in a few profound ways. We put our house on the market, my grandmother passed away, the Payson temple was announced, Harold got released as Ward Mission Leader.....and now I'm thinking seriously again about nursing school.

Checking my options. Salt Lake Community College has an agreement with my employer. They have a nursing program where they give points for admission based on:
1. Years at IHC.
2. GPA.
3. Either enrollment in or completion of pathophysiology.

Well, I got years at IHC covered....almost 9!
GPA will depend on prereqs.
and pathophys....

With prereqs and everything, it would take at least 3 years, possibly 4 to get my RN.

Now, at Provo College, I can take prereqs along side some nursing classes. I could be done in 2 years. But, the cost is astronomical.

I need to talk myself down. Be patient, or find a way for IHC to pay for Provo College! :)

UGH!

Change is coming, whether it's schooling or not, the house remains on the market, the temple is a'comin' but probably without us here, Harold is now a Sunday School teacher, my grandma lived a long, beautiful 89 years and was buried yesterday in California.

Wow....every day life is the same, and it's different.

The Reason Why I Have Always Revered the Name of Grandma

2010-01-26T06:17:00.003-07:00

http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/deseretnews/obituary.aspx?n=beatrice-bradshaw&pid=138938892

To my cousin Holley, I wish we could have used every last word you wrote, for your tribute was moving and beautiful.

My own personal memories are forthcoming....I'm still gathering my thoughts and still a little shellshocked, to be honest.

Knock, Knock

2010-01-13T07:32:00.002-07:00

Yesterday afternoon I sat at my computer watching The Biggest Loser, episode 1 of season who-the-heck-knows-anymore. I love this show! I recently had a skinny man tell me that he thought the show was horrible and that the fat people were treated poorly. Um, NO-YOU DO NOT GET A SAY IN THIS-YOU ARE SKINNY (and have never, ever been fat by the way). So, if you are skinny and have never been 100+ pounds overweight, don't bother telling me how TBL is a horrible show, capitalizing on the obesity epidemic in America. I can't hear you! I'm covering my ears, "la la la la la la!"

Anyway, I sat watching the show with my bowl of ice cream and three cookies. At some point I got completely emotional and was seriously crying, no weeping, as I brought yet another spoonful of ice cream to my lips.

No the irony is not lost on me.

Then a knock came at my door. I wasn't expecting anyone and I really didn't feel like getting my butt up off the chair....but the knocking got louder and louder and louder until finally I said, "WHAT???"

And there, in front of me, were all my excuses from the past six months piled high, coming back to bite me in the rear end.

The pile was huge! Let me enumerate:

1. I don't want to pay for the gym. The only gym in town is grody and I hate it. So, if I am going to pay for a gym, it's not going to be that one and the next closest gym is 7 miles away and I do not want to drive all that way in the snow at 6 a.m. on winter mornings! (there may be more than one excuse here...)

2. No one will work out with me. I lost my most consistent work out partner a couple years back when I went back to school and she had to find another partner/partners. She works out at the church now MWF w/ some other chicas......which brings me to my next excuse.....

3. I can't work out at 9 a.m. I have to work-work, and I need to be clocked in then.

4. I don't want to work out at home. I hate getting all dressed in my work-out clothes and getting all sweaty in my family room. Yuck!

5. H. does workouts by himself, harder than I can do, so I can't work out with him!

The other night I told H. I was going to need to buy myself a Wii. I've wanted one for a while, but only for the workout capability. I told him I needed to get back to working out. He invited me to join him and I invoke excuse #5, telling him "I need my own motivation!"

And this is where my excuses get a little tricky......I wanted to buy a Wii....to work out at home....wait a minute, doesn't that violate excuse #4?

Honestly people, it was like my excuse world just came tumbling through my door, big, hairy, and ugly.

So last night I tell H., I'm getting up tomorrow morning and I'm going to work out to my 30-Day Shred video by Jillian, level 1.

He says, "ok."

I look at him defiantly.

He says, "because you need your own motivation?"

I look at him more defiantly and say, "yes!"

He gets a bemused look on his face and wisely turns away and never says another word.

I renewed my BodyBugg subscription (9.95/month), found the cord that powers up the Bugg (because it has been dying slowly in a drawer for months), download the latest version of the software (because it has been a VERY long time since I documented my calorie intake/output and apparently there is a new version), and I set my alarm for 6:30.

I woke up 3 times last night in anticipation, not wanting to miss the alarm. At one point it was so light in my room I was sure I had missed my alarm. Then when I looked at my clock it said 3:30. I was like, "what the???" Then realized the TV had been left on all night.

At 6:30 I got up. I dressed. I put my hair up. I had a few swigs of water. I turned on Jillian and away we went.

Now its 7:46. I've exercised, showered, dressed, made lunches for the kiddos, and am now blogging. I'm a little behind on my clock in for work, but I have a fluid job that way.

Now for a description of what the exercise felt like.

Pure and unadulterated HELL. Yep, my own personal version of the telestial kingdom on earth. My body hurts, I ache all over, I want to return to bed. I am slumped over and hung low.

The video lasts for all of 22 minutes. I'm not kidding.

When I had to "run" downstairs to fetch my clean clothes, I could barely hobble down and then back up? Oh man, that was a nightmare.

It will take approximately 2 weeks to go from feeling like a weakling to feeling like exercise is actually empowering me, at least physically.

But mentally and emotionally, I feel better already.

Did you know that on this season of TBL that they made the contestants weigh in before they went to "the ranch," in front of their friends, family, and home towns? Yes, a scale with a big nasty number on it for all the world to see.

I'm seriously considering it.

This Year's Motto

2010-01-11T12:03:00.002-07:00

Two years ago we decided to adopt a family motto for the year. The year 2008 was the "Year of Positive Thinking." We adopted the motto on January 1 and on January 3 I won a trip to Disneyland for four. Needless to say, the Nichols family started REALLY believing in our yearly motto.

Last year, 2009, our motto was.....hmmmm.....can't remember. Seriously, we came up with one, but I'm not sure it really took.

So, last night the kids want us to come up with our motto for 2010. I was on the computer in the basement, Harold was fiddling around with something or other on his iPod...but they persisted. They brought both he and I a scrap of paper and a pen and insisted we write a motto for 2010.

At first I declined, I'm busy! I said. They came back, they showed me the paper and pen....come on mom!!

So, I wrote down my motto.

Ok, I'm not the most original person, but I got a kick out of it. I folded up my paper and sent the kiddos scampering off.

A few minutes later they reappeared in the basement with our new motto for 2010. They had combined all the entries to reflect how each family member felt about this coming year. Now, before I unveil the new motto, I'd like to recap everyone's entries, exactly as written.

H: The year of becoming strong.
J: 2010: The Year of Living Dangerously.
S: The Year of wishes! (coming true)
M: The Year of Following Your Dreams!

Without further adieu.........drum roll please.......

The Nichols Family Motto for 2010:
The year of dangerously following your dreams and wishes strongly!!

Now, that's a motto I can really support!

Jalapeno Jelly

2010-01-05T12:28:00.003-07:00

Um, ever tried it? Never underestimate the power of jalapenos and sugar in a crystal clear jar.

Get a cracker, spread on some cheese (preferably some derivative of cream cheese), and slap on some jelly. Mmmmmmmmm................

Thanks Julie!! (from whom I received my first bottle of JJ.....see it was meant to be, I always wanted to be known as JJ when I was a kid and no one EVER called me that! Now the JJ refers to a yummy green spread.) Mmmmmmmmm..........

The picture is courtesy (unasked) of JJ's blog:

Rocky Road

2010-01-04T17:10:00.002-07:00

Have I ever expressed how much I love Rocky Road? Breyers of course. Those chocolate covered nuts are a DEEE-light!

Have you ever really looked at your house? Like, deep down, looked at your house. You know, walls, baseboards, door jams? Carpet, lineoleum, paint color? Front door, back door, pantry door?

People, it's brutal!

There are holes and marks and dings and stains. There's wear and tear, burn out, and blow out.

I'm thinking my realtor wouldn't like me telling you all this.

But, the good news is: We've scrubbed, scraped, painted, plumped, mopped, moved, picked up, shut up, cleaned up, put down, taken out and done a once over more than once.

We had our first showing on Saturday and it was nerve-wracking. We were beheaded chickens. We were whirling dervishes.

And to think I get to do this at least 20 more times before an offer will even come in. Sah-weet. Now that sounds like a good time people!

Note: M. found a man's wedding band. I spent an hour calling neighbors, trying to find an owner. H. took it to church and made an announcement. No takers. Then, just now, M. comes running in....

M.: MOM! Where's that ring?

Me: Why?

M.: A lady was driving around the street where I found it and asked, "have any of you seen a man's ring around? My husband lost his ring here the other day."

Me: Sah-weet! I'll get it!

M: Took the ring out the door and we won't have to come up with a FOUND! sign for the mailboxes.

Got a big anniversary coming up. 15 years of wedded bliss. Why do we use that expression? I've heard it several times from different sources.

{fill in the blank} years of wedded bliss!!

Where did that come from?

I was just talking to a friend on the phone. When you get married you take a good long look at your potential mate and you say to yourself:

This person has these good qualities:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
etc.
etc.
etc.

And this person has these not so great qualities:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
etc.
etc.

Then you take a look in the mirror and you say, I have these great qualities:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
etc.
etc.

And I have these NOT so great qualities:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
etc.
etc.

And you realize, marriage is all about taking the bad with the good and knowing your spouse did the same and LOVING THE HECK OUT OF THEM for taking you with all your flaws and loving you anyway.

There's a reason the Lord said "and they twain shall be one."

I'm a better person because I'm married to Harold. There is no doubt in my mind that I made the 100% correct choice 15 years ago. My father told me I deserved the best, and he was right. And I chose the best.

And while the happily ever after part is yet to come.....I'm pretty happy with my Rocky Road.

4187

2009-12-13T19:40:00.002-07:00

Today was a long day, in a very good way. First things first, we went to SLC in sleet/ice/snow/rain/wind to see the Mormon Tabernacle Choir Christmas concert featuring Natalie Cole and David McCullough as narrator. But first, we saw Music and The Spoken Word. It was their 4187th broadcast. Wow. First time for me though!

The music, the singers, the dancers, the bells (oh how I loved the bells!), the organ (I loved the organ even more than the bells), the mood.

Finally, finally I can say I felt the Spirit of Christmas. Thanks W&A for the invite and the terrific company in the most dreadful weather ever! So glad you have 4-wheel drive.

We went to the last hour of church and I was so tired I was dozing during the lesson about the martyrom of Joseph Smith. Too bad, because I love the subject of Joseph Smith.

Today, as we waited for the activities at the conference center to start suddenly everyone rose and was on their feet and the crowd went completely silent as our prophet Thomas S. Monsen entered to take his seat. Such reverence and love. I felt the spirit and thought, one day I will meet the Savior and I cannot even imagine the love and reverence I will feel for him. But today I got a small taste of it and I liked it. I will also feel a similar feeling on the day that I meet Joseph Smith.

Then we had made dinner for a local family and they had to cancel at the last minute so we invited my parents and sister's family to dinner. I was so happy they came!

As we finished up dinner prep I put on the DVD Joy to the World. As the MoTab sang there were images of baby Jesus and Mary.

Then I thought, I cannot believe the Savior of the world came to the earth as a small, beautiful, perfect infant who had to have his every need filled by his mother....just like every other baby that comes to this earth.

Jesus Christ is my Savior. And, I am grateful that the Spirit of His birth finally got to my core today.

Then we got to meet with our bishop, the annual trek to settle up and declare ourselves. Again, a peaceful, grateful spirit entered my heart.

I am blessed, truly, truly blessed.

Extinction

2009-12-11T08:35:00.003-07:00

Our microwave died this week. It was a dinosaur that my parents bought for us the first week of our marriage. It was huge and took up tons of counter space. It was brown and black. I think it was one of the first models to have a button for popcorn popping.

When it died I didn't even cry. I didn't mourn its loss. I just figured, hey, we'll live without it. It's gone to a better place, microwave heaven.

Then one night my eldest said {very loudly}, "I can't believe we don't have a microwave, this is so stupid!"

I only needed it once, last Sunday, for softening butter that had come directly from the freezer. But, I figured out how to live my butter-softening life without it. I used time. That's right, I was patient.

So the big beast was taken away. H. told me he was going to put it directly into our garbage can. I thought for sure the microwave would be stashed into some dusty corner of the garage until a trip to the dump arouse. But, no.

So this morning I get a call. "I forgot to take out the garbage."

"The one with the BIG FAT MICROWAVE in it?"

"Yep, that's the one."

Me, in my best Napolean Dynamite voice, "hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, can you bring me some chapstick?"

"Just ask the nurse, she's got like five sticks in her drawer."

"Sick!"

So I got up from my chair, wearing PJs and slippers and threw on a big yellow and green jacket we inherited from a friend years ago, thinking this would be enough to keep me warm in subzero temps (close enough).

I used the shovel to remove the snow from our driveway to the garbage. Then I saw what I knew was going to happen one week ago but decided to promptly forget and deny, that our garbage was spilling out of the can for our neighbors to see. Then I used the shovel to remove the snow from the top of the garbage can. Then I started trying to move that dang thing. Then my hands were frozen from gripping the handle with snow on it. Then there was snow in my slippers. Then I reached inside the jacket and used the endy bits to cover my hands and tried again.

Then I finally got the can up onto the top of the driveway. Then I fixed the can so that I could basically steer it from the front as I let gravity bring the can down our half icy driveway. (The top half is snow/ice free, but the bottom half is a mess.)

Then I prayed I wouldn't fall and break anything because that would really Scrooge me out and I've been feeling pretty scroogey already.

Then I got down to the end of the drive and parked the can directly behind my car so when I pull out I need to remember NOT to hit the can.

Then I trudged inside, muttering under my breath, "You're welcome!"

Then I remembered all the bajillion times my dear husband does these things and I never have to think about it. And then I thought,

"Thanks honey, you're the best!"

The Birfday Post

2009-11-08T18:23:00.017-07:00

It's time for my birfday post. To honor our 40th birthday, H. and I went to Henderson, NV to celebrate. We stayed at the Green Valley Ranch Resort. Oh how I wish I had hundreds of dollars to spend here. They had a terrific spa that smelled Dee-vine. (We had to walk through the spa to get to the work out room, yes we worked out [once] while we were there.) They also had a hair salon. Mani, pedi, massage....maybe for my 50th?

This is the view from our window. Sorry about the blur, I blame our camera. The lights at the top left are Vegas in the distance. The pool had a sand bottom and the blue beds are exactly that....beds! You can totally lounge at the pool! Nice!

Another view out our window.

Bathroom shot. The glass shower door swung both ways, in the most innocent sense.

Sweet King Bed.

Me, weeping at the computer the morning of check out. Ok, really it's me checking the weather before we left.

Now on to Halloween! We spent Friday night at my parents house. We had a family dinner. Carrie and her family as well as Brittany W. came to town and we had a fun dinner. The funniest thing that happened was that I had requested that my mother make a white cake with holes poked into it and jello poured in it. Then you put whip cream on top (or Cool whip, whatever). Anyway, it came time for the cake and out comes an 8 inch round chocolate cake with a pumpkin drawn on top. Hmm....ok...not what I asked for, but I assumed they were just bringing out this little guy for candle blowing purposes. After I blew out the big 4 and the big 0 my SIL Britty asks if this was the cake I had been telling her about. I said, no. My sis Carrie explains that there was a problem with my requested cake and that this little chocolate guy was "it." I was like, What? Then I said, and I quote, "This is the worst birthday ever!" Everyone laughed and left to go cut the stupid little cake. I almost started to cry, for real. I had been looking forward to my yummy lemon cake for a while. Then all of a sudden the REAL cake comes out and my family starts laughing. They thought it would be funny to play a trick on the 40-year-old. NOT FUNNY PEOPLE! My dad thought I was 100% ridiculous for having declared this the worst birthday ever over a CAKE! But, my dad doesn't worship food the way the rest of our family does. I think everyone else completely understood.

My kids and my sister's children as well. So great to hang with the sistas on my bday.

S. the ninja. Yes, she hand made the stars attached to her ninja belt.

My cowboy.

Thanks to our old bishop for BEING a real cowboy and having the goods for our son to use for dress up!

My BIL Justin, he dresses up every year. I respect any adult who does this and Justin rocks!

I stole this one from Britty's blog but for some reason I don't have any pics of Britty on my camera. Britty shared our birthday weekend with us and it was sweet! Thanks for coming B.

Me and the sistas under the big witch hat. (Holy cow, I was looking at this post and realized that we all 3 look a TON alike.....crazy. Maybe triplets? Ok, my little sisters won't appreciate that comment, seeing that they are YEARS younger than I.....but I don't care....I think we look strikingly similar here.)

The birfday girl. I had a terrific week with my man and a terrific weekend with tons of family and a lot of candy! :) And yes, 40 does look this good!!!

They Say It's Your Birthday Dear Lima

2009-10-26T07:03:00.002-06:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to H. Yes, 40 does sound weird.

But, we have a LOT of fun, exciting things to look forward to in the years to come and I'm glad we'll be doing it together!

I love you.

My Heart Grew Three Sizes That Day

2009-10-23T07:03:00.003-06:00

I hope that before the world ends and computers everywhere crash I will one day print off all my entries and therefore have a sweet, sweet journal for posterity. And, since this is MY journal, my latest entry involves my daughter.

Last night we saw said daughter in a concert choir performance. This year she is in the Chamber Choir, choir level III, the only choir in the junior high for which participants had to try out. She sings soprano.

We watched choir I as they sang and then choir II. Then in her beautiful, black, floor length gown here comes choir III and my gorgeous daughter.

They sang The Voice, Feed the Birds, and Concertschtick. The Voice and Concertschtick were my favorites.

As a mother, I was in fine form last night. I couldn't help it, as I watch my daughter (she is beautiful by the way, but not just face-pretty, she glows!) sing her heart out and do something she loves to do......my heart grew three sizes. There aren't that many times in my life I can actually feel my heart (there is the occasional chest twinge that makes me think of what my dad said long ago about how every time he feels a chest pain he thinks to himself "this is it, this is the pain that's gonna take me down."), but last night I felt my heart grow. And I bawled. Wow, I love my daughter.

For more information on the Joy of Motherhood, read here.

I'm Not a Witch, I'm Your Wife!

2009-10-20T14:57:00.004-06:00

Yes, Halloween approacheth. I'm dressing up this year. Believe it or not. I may be only sporting a witches hat, but I might have more to my costume. You'll have to trick-or-treat in our zip code to find out (or I might post pictures, ok, who am I fooling, of course I'll post pictures). But, if you DO come here, I'll make sure I give you some of my chocolate. We bought two 150 piece ALL CHOCOLATE bags of candy at Costco. I'm tired of skimping every year. Buying a few bags of yummy and throwing in dollar store candy to make our stash look bigger. Then I spend all night trying to figure out if I know the cute trick-or-treaters, because if I KNOW them, I give them chocolate. If I don't know them, they get dollar store pixie stix. But hey, maybe those little unknown treaters like pixie stix....what kid doesn't? So, maybe I should just get all kinds of candy and let the kids choose. Wait, I can't do that either because if I put the bowl (I typed bowel there first, medical transcriptionist fingers sometimes go to autopilot) out at the kids, they inevitably grab a whole chubby fistful of goodies, and at that point they don't CARE if it's chocolate or what!

I'm still a tad worried that 300 pieces isn't enough. I just cannot stand the thought of running out. There are those of you out there who buy just enough and then basically say, first come-first serve! and then let the drifters come upon your darkened house and be ever-so-disappointed.

Not me, Halloween is all about one big, fat party....full of candy ALL NIGHT LONG at EVERY SINGLE HOUSE! I refuse to party poop on the best day of the year!

***It should also be noted, I have NOT opened either bag of candy. Only 11 days to go...

Drum Roll......

2009-10-16T22:50:00.006-06:00

***YOU SNOOZE, YOU LOSE. I have now taken off the pics that reveal more skin than necessary.***

Harold is sitting right here as I write this post. He is nervous about his not-really-nudie shots being shown on the internet.....but I don't care. He's worked hard and deserves to have everyone tell him how wonderful he is and how his hard work really paid off.

The first shot is self-explanatory. This pic was actually about a month into the program, so it shows an improvement, believe it!

The second shot shows his super flat stomach, the third his massive arms.

The pic of him on the beach was taken in Portland, then the next pic w/ the same shirt is from yesterday.

I'm not sure why his shirt looks darker in one spot, but it really is clean, I promise!

From here on, I'll let the pictures do the talking.

Go ahead, admire him!

Harold's Opinion on my Poll

2009-10-13T11:12:00.000-06:00

I agree that we should NOT post the pictures. No one wants to see them. If you want people to visit your blog, posting the pictures would be a massive deterrent. No one would ever visit again. It wouldn't ruin your marriage or cause any strife. It would ruin your friendships and would cause unhappy feelings.

That's my opinion.

H.

OK PEOPLE, do you agree??

Fall Table Top Quilts

2009-10-12T17:30:00.009-06:00

I have had these table topper quilts in the works for YEARS. When my old ward started a table topper quilt night, I was in. But, when I saw these Halloween babies, I was all over it! I love Halloween, as you know. I love pumpkins and I love Fall.

Here is the larger specimen with the fun pumpkin faces:

Here is a closer view:

Corner shot:

I love this shot. This shows off the fun fabric I chose for the back and the stripey fun binding fabric. Also if you look close you can see the quilt pattern, the fun leaves (click on the pic for a better view):

This was the first one I started on, more of a fall pattern, not necessarily Halloween:

This is the full view:

And this one shows the fun fabric on the back and the stripey (love the stripes) border print. On this shot you can also see the pumpkin pattern quilting. Don't forget to click for a great quilt view:

Isn't it spooky how I actually got these done? Go ahead, admire me.

Poll

2009-10-12T11:12:00.002-06:00

How bad would it be to post pictures of my husband before and after 9 weeks on Body for Life?

And by "bad" I mean, would posting the pics cause major marital issues? What do you think?

While The Sun Shines

2009-10-07T08:53:00.000-06:00

Do you ever wonder why when we look at someone else's life that is so hard, we seem to appreciate our life much more? Why is that? Why does it take a tragedy to bring us to our senses?

And how does the person whose life is so difficult feel about me, whose life is not that hard? Does that person get irritated that I have finally seen the light? Does that person feel glad in their heart that their tragedy has brought others clarity?

I read the Nie Nie Dialogues and I get inspired every single day by Stephanie. I don't know her other than through her blog. She will be on Oprah today. She was beautiful before the plane crash, not just her physical beauty which is very, very apparent, but her spirit was beautiful. She shined from the inside. And now, since the crash, her light shines just as bright. I am humbled by her.

Life is too short to complain and to wish our circumstances were different, don't you think?

Hope

2009-10-01T10:42:00.003-06:00

I could not say this better, never in a million years. But, I want anyone who reads this to know our Heavenly Father loves us all and I know the Son of God is my Savior.

Pleasantly Confused

2009-09-23T12:45:00.004-06:00

Since I don't have a great story to tell or a major fault to admit to today.....here are a few things I've been thinking about:

I like when a doc calls a patient pleasantly confused. I hope that when I get older and my memory fails me that this is what I become. Who wants a confused jerk for a grandmother anyway?

Ever heard the word myriad? By definition it means "a large indefinite number." I see this word a lot in written form, books I read. But here is how it is used.

I felt I had myriad choices. Um.....don't you mean "an indefinite number OF choices"? Where is the preposition? If you leave it out, what is left? "An indefinite number choices."

People....don't forget your prepositions or nice pleasantly confused me will become mean and irritable!

Here is another I've seen: "This book inspires me no end." Again with the missing preposition. "This book inspires me TO no end." Enough already, enough I say!

How about something a bit deeper. Do you feel that accepting life's circumstances without judgment is a way of bringing peace to your soul? I've been hearing a lot of this lately. Just wondering.

I like horchata. I've been thinking about it now for 23 hours, I might be replacing my lack of soda for AN ENTIRE YEAR with a sugary rice drink from Mexico.

Do you think writing to an uber rich person like Bill Gates and asking for a handout is wrong when you are not living in Africa and fearing for your life every day? (Ok, just writing that out seems super shallow.) The handout would be spread around, it isn't just for me. (Ok, I don't think that makes me less shallow.)

I need more time for cooking/baking.

I need some time for sewing.

I need to stop feeling ok about 50 pounds lost and start feeling disgusted that I still have 75 to go.

Addicted to Reality

2009-09-09T16:19:00.004-06:00

Hello, my name is Jeanna, and I'm addicted to reality shows. It all started with Survivor. Richard Hatch bore his bottom, Susan Hawk trash talked, and Rudy was the surliest ex-Navy SEAL ever. May 31, 2000. D-day for my addiction.

My addiction wouldn't have been so bad if I had just stuck with Surivor, but since season one I have branched out.

Here is the most comprehensive list I have ever compiled of all the reality shows I have either watched faithfully from season 1 episode 1, or I have watched a few episodes or at least a portion of one episode. If I've only seen a few minutes of the program, I'll mark it with a (*).

Survivor
Amazing Race
The Mole
The Bachelor
The Bachelorette
More to Love
Hell's Kitchen
Top Chef
Inked
Tattoo Highway
The Real Housewives of Atlanta, Orange County, New York City, New Jersey
Househusbands of Hollywood
Big Brother
The Apprentice
Celebrity Apprentice
Dancing With the Stars*
Fear Factor*
Project Runway*
Wife Swap
The Osbournes
I'm a Celebrity...Get Me Outta Here*
Miami Ink*
The Biggest Loser
Making the Band
Reinventing Bonnaduce
Extreme Makeover, Extreme Makeover Home Edition
What Not to Wear
Kitchen Nightmares
Trading Spaces
MTV's Cribs
Secret Millionaire
Punk'd*
Deadliest Catch
America's Toughest Job*
The Real World, too many seasons

Yes, there are 39 shows listed here. Should I blame Survivor or did it all start with Star Search?

Now the big question is this: Can I quit reality TV? Some of these shows are no longer on the air. Some of these shows are in their 20th season. I didn't even list the prime time non-reality shows I like to watch.

Holy Crap. This post started out with me just thinking it was funny how addicted I am to reality. Now I can see that I have a serious problem. I have GOT to do something more productive with my time.

I could blame eight of my nine year addiction on work. I work so much it seems that when I have down time I relax by watching the boob tube. I do like to read and if I listed the books I've read I'd have a pretty sweet, long list. (Unfortunately, wikipedia doesn't have my personal book list as an entry, because I forget most of the books I've read.)

I also have a house at the moment that could use some serious deep, deep cleaning. Baseboards, refrigerator, kitchen cabinets, etc.

Help!! This all ties in to a talk I have to give on Sunday and has made me really think about how I spend my time. I need a do-over. I need 9 years of my life back.

ADDENDUM:
Dating in the Dark
American Idol

Making the grand total 41.

And p.s. I haven't had TV reception for at least 5-6 years. I watch all these shows online with approximately 2.5 minutes of commercials during each show. It isn't the commercials I am regretting, its the 22-44 minutes of time I spend on the stupid shows!!!

ADDENDUM (2):
Ace of Cakes
Cake Boss
Jon and Kate Plus 8
18 Kids and Counting
Small People, Big World

New Total: 46

I Am So Sorry!

2009-09-07T21:39:00.003-06:00

Wouldn't it be awful to actually be "in labor" on Labor Day? Ick! I wasn't in labor, but Harold did dream I was pregnant this weekend.

The only labor we partook of the past three days was driving to and from Denver. We had a great visit with the Nichols clan. We talked a lot, played a game, I read a whole book, went swimming, out to eat....all in all a great weekend.

Now I'm glad to be home.

Anyone who has known me for a long, long time knows that for YEARS I dissed Utah. I couldn't help it, I am a California girl at heart and I felt the need to tell everyone who would listen how superior California was to Utah, ok CA is better than most places, but because I had "relocated" to Utah, I was particularly harsh on the Beehive State.

But officially I have now lived in Utah for 19 years of my life. If you count the 18 months I spent in Scotland for my mission, that means I have now lived in Utah for half of my life and almost my entire adulthood.

And....I love it here. It's home. I still feel "at home" in CA, but I don't think I would enjoy living there anymore. My home is now a little town in Utah. I love the Wasatch Mountains, I love the spring and fall in here, I love my little po-dunk town. I just plain love it.

So, for all the times I was rude and disrespectful to you my fair state, I wholeheartedly and sincerely apologize. Utah is a blissful place for me and it is my home!

Deep Thoughts Friday

2009-09-04T07:32:00.004-06:00

I dreamed last night that we had inadvertently traded in my parents Toyota to get our new Hyundai. Oops. Had to tell my parents, who then told me we had to take our new car back and give them their Toyota. I was devastated. Apparently that whole giving back the new car thing that happened over a month ago really got to me.

Sav got the first goal of the season last night, but her team still lost. The goalie for the other side was amazing....Oh, and I didn't see the goal, despite trying very hard to watch the entire time. I got distracted by I don't know what. Ugh! Mack played his fourth game, the first one where he did not score and the first that his team lost. My parents came to watch and didn't get to see Mack make a goal and they left before Sav got hers. Again, ugh!

I was asked by my mom and sister to fix my sister's blessing dress. Carrie is blessing baby Daisy this weekend and wanted to use the dress she was blessed in. I am not a seamstress, but I am the sister who has sewn more than anyone else in the family, so I got the job. The elastic on the sleeves was gone, so I just needed to replace it. Harder than it looks. I got the job done, but I didn't love the end product. I was hoping for more pucker in those tiny sleeves.

I ran out of my off brand Slim Fast yesterday morning. I ended up having to use the chocolate protein powder we have on hand. Not the best, but it worked. I am apparently addicted to my morning chocolate-banana Slim Fast shake. Mmmmmmmm.......

I ran to the store in the middle of the day for white thread (blessing dress), bananas (I also used my last frozen banana yesterday), Slim Fast (the real deal, it does taste better even if it costs more), cookies (because I ate the last few that were to go into today's lunches), and Wasa crackers (my new lunch love, with cheese of course).

Yesterday I watched two women I know riding bikes. They've been riding together for months in an effort to get fit and lose weight. They both get up early to ride as they have children at home and husbands that have to go to work. I don't know how far they ride each morning. I know they have gradually been increasing their distance. About a month ago they did a long ride on a Saturday and their husbands and children went to the middle of their route and held up posters, cheering their wives/mothers on. They are committed. They are both looking gorgeous and beautiful. And they did it all on beater Wal-Mart bikes. I'm just saying.

Soccer Season

2009-09-02T13:12:00.002-06:00

I know I've complained in the past about the soccer schedule. My brain feels like it is going to explode when I think about weeknights for the next 6 weeks as we go to soccer game after soccer game.

But, I LOVE this sport, love it. I love how I can sit right on the field and watch my child run around, exercise their body, and sweat profusely. I love seeing them so happy and embracing something so good for them. They both LOVE to play and they are both quite good, in my opinion. Will they play professional soccer, no, but I don't care. I prefer the small field, the small crowd, the general comraderie among the kids and parents.

Last night's game was particularly fun because as I sat watching the game the moon was coming up. I wish I had a sweet camera to capture what I saw. Beautiful child, beautiful earth.

For the next little while you can find me at the field, on my camping chair, probably some hand sewing to be done, relaxing in the night air, enjoying the game, and feeling blessed.

Highlights, Lowlights

2009-08-28T09:55:00.003-06:00

Wow, my blogging record has been less than desirable lately and since I can't think of any great story to tell, I'll just bore you with the highlights.

Highlight: The new car is great!
Lowlight: Last Saturday, going northbound I-15 we were traveling near a truck with large rocks...yep, one came loose and hit our windshield. Nice new crack. Thankfully it doesn't obscure our vision and we are leaving it for up to 2 years until our next state-mandated safety check before we replace it.

Highlight: Harold is rocking the house on his new diet/lifestyle change. He looks terrific and feels really good, too.
Lowlight: I'm holding steady because I have had such an affinity for ice cream lately.....

Highlight: Kids started school.
Lowlight: Soccer started as well. I love watching the kids play, but the schedule makes my brain wanna explode!

Highlight: Our summer was fantastic! Our trip to Oregon is still making me happy to think about.
Lowlight: There is none! Fall is bringing about some big birthdays and a celebratory mood pervails!

Highlight: I was released as Primary Pianist and called to serve as the Compassionate Service Leader.
Lowlight: Does this mean I have to be compassionate? Ok, I'm only slightly kidding. I love the CSL calling, I've done it before and I look forward to serving. I have been doing a lot of introspection on this subject and I'm looking foward to some spiritual fine tuning. (Not exactly a lowlight, is it?) The release from primary also puts me on the list to substitute as the RS pianist occasionally. This will also help me hone the piano skills!! Yay!

Highlight: Harold "fixed" our camera by replacing the batteries.
Lowlight: For real, I replaced the batteries right before it konked out! What the???

Highlight: Tonight is date night.
Lowlight: I have to work. Take out and a DVD!

New Car? Yes, yes, yes!

2009-08-11T14:11:00.001-06:00

One week after turning over our little black car, we picked up our brand new (14 miles on it) charcoal gray Hyundai Elantra.

Yay, 2 working cars in the garage make me happy!

Having said that, our Sonata has to go into the dealer to get some recalls fixed. I hope after the two recall fixits that our two cars will be smooth riding for a very long time.

New Car? Nope.

2009-08-03T19:34:00.001-06:00

Because I am so terribly sad about the car I owned for a 60 hours going back to the dealership, here is the story in short:

We made the deal for the new car based on getting 4500 in rebate from the government. You can only get the full 4500 if your car had a median MPG of 18 or below, ours was 18. The new car had to get 28+ median MPG. The new car, we thought, had 28. Nope, government said it was 27.

The car went back today.

I had to remove the pic from the post below, sorry, too painful.

Breaking News

2009-08-01T07:36:00.004-06:00

We took the '99 Mercury Villager in to a Nissan dealership yesterday, traded it in, and got this little baby!

XXXXXX

Yay!!! It's a 2009 Nissan Versa, seats 5, is a tiny bit of a thing, but super roomy inside (for real!) and we got a smoking deal, thanks for Cash for Clunkers. Buh-bye old van. We loved you, but for the past two years you have become an albatross around our proverbial necks. C-YA later 160,000+ miles, hello 113! Yes, you read that right. Unbelievable.

Yep, I did it!

2009-07-25T14:18:00.003-06:00

I finally did it, I've lost 50 pounds since my surgery last year. Yay! I feel semi-pathetic that it has taken me this long, but I seriously don't care right now. When I got on the scale, all I felt was happy, happy, happy!

Only 75 to go! I didn't just say 75, did I?

Vacay

2009-07-16T18:19:00.026-06:00

Here is a photographic journal of our trip to Portland. For some reason I didn't break out the camera while we were in Boise. That was dumb! We had a great time visiting our Idaho relations and seeing our new niece! (My apologies for the small sized pics. Just click to enlarge, I started making them bigger towards the end.)

This is mi familia, ready for a ragin' good time!

This is me, self portraits are my obvious favorite, although I'm not sure why, they aren't the most flattering, are they?

This was one of my favorite roses, we went on a tour of the International Test Rose Garden in Portland. They try out new rose plants. This one was called Abbaye De Cluny. (We also went to Powell's Books on this day which is the biggest bookstore in the world, they claim, and we hiked 3 miles in a beautiful arboretum, but my batteries had given out at this point.)

On Tuesday we drove to Astoria. This is the Astoria Column. Apparently a bunch of memorials (twenty-something) were built across the country in honor of the explorers/pioneers that came west.

The column had a sweet, sweet view, which we had to enjoy for only a brief second because after hiking 164 steps to the top, standing on a small little balcony of sorts, we were freaked:

If you didn't know, Astoria has had a few movies filmed there, including a movie called Goonies. Our car was not allowed to go up the little pebble drive and this is the sign informing us of that. The next two pics are for my SIL Julie:

Behind the bushes on the left there is a very large Greek flag that I didn't catch in the picture. Apparently a very Greek family lives there now. No Sean Astin :(

On Wednesday we drove to Kings Valley to visit the Jillicious bakery and its owner, Jill (and Jeff of course). We ordered a couple of items from Jill, but she went WAY out of her way to make sure we were super taken care of. I'll let the pictures do the talking (but let me just say that I didn't even get a picture of the brownies or the yummy lunch):

At Jill's place she has a sweet pond where the kids spent HOURS frog hunting:

Sweet lily pads:

H., me, Jeff and Jill:

Then we ventured to the coast (again) and saw Cannon Beach (where we made pigs of ourselves at Pig 'N Pancake) and saw Haystack Rock:

Then we went on a super mini hike just off the highway and saw salmon berries. These look good, right? Brittany confirmed that though they are edible, they are extremely tart. Thanks B. for taking a hit for the team!

Proof that B. was there!

This is how H. and I look while on vacation, rested and happy!

Tour of Tillamook where we (I) had too many cheese samples and bought yummy ice cream:

Sav asleep, B., and Mack (who was faking it!):

Proof that B. actually has a husband. Poor Wyat was super busy with a crazy chemistry class so we didn't see him much, but thanks W. for allowing us to crash at your pad!

We also went to Voo Doo donuts (picture stolen from B's blog):

We spent money on gas and food (obviously) but only $1 at the column (for a whole year's worth of parking on site) and $10 for clothing rental at the Portland temple. We were super happy to find so many wonderful things to do in Portland without having to spend money on entrance fees and such. Who wouldn't prefer to spend their hard-earned dough on food anyway? We also hit up two different french bakeries while in Lake Oswego (we went to one of them twice and the other three times). The kids, H. and B. also floated the Clackamas River, courtesy of W.'s family and their "fun tires." Despite H. thinking he was going to miss the "get out point" and freaking out to the point of almost drowning (thanks B. for saving your big bro's life), they enjoyed the river float a ton.

Thanks to B., W., Jill, and Jeff. Also thanks to the unknown owners of the beach house we stayed at (unknown to me, but not to B.).

And, thanks to Miss Georgia, who assured me that this would be money well spent. Miss Georgia, you were right!

I told H. that this was our best vacation yet and that includes the freebie we had last year at Disneyland.

Wheeeeeee...........

2009-06-21T08:24:00.005-06:00

Yesterday I spent quite a bit of time on H.'s bike. His bike has been hanging in our garage for a while, needing new tubes. I bought some tubes, got the bike down, and with the help of my two willing and able children, we replaced the tubes. So, I've been toodling around on the bike for the past few days, but yesterday I got serious. Ok, not really serious, because I know what a serious biker looks like and I'm not that person. But I did ride for about 8 miles total. I know, that doesn't sound like much, but will you tell my bum bones that? Ouch!

We rode down to our old bishop's car lot because our van is giving us trouble....I know, you're in shock, right? And we are trying to decide if we should fix the van, again, or get a small car/truck and a small payment to go with it.

I thought it was pretty funny that we went riding up on a bike to tell our old bishop that we need a car.

Anyway, so we rode down (which had a lot of downhill time as it turns out) and then back (which means we were going uphill a lot). It seems like on a bike ride you really should put in the work during the first half of the trip so you can enjoy the fruits of your labor during the last half.

But, either way, both legs of the trip were super, super fun! The weather was nice and cloudy, a little cool, and at one point I was super squinting because raindrops were piercing my cornea going downhill! But I totally loved it! Talk about cross training! But since we only have 1 working adult bike in the house we need to get another one. I'm thinking maybe a new bike for me? and then H. can have our one working car. We'll see.

I felt like a little kid because I really did feel pure joy while riding that bike. There were sweaty times, times when I had to shift down to the lowest gear available, and then there were exhilarating, high speed, wind on my face and through my hair times. I loved it!

Now onto today's business:

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY! As I get older I can see every single day how much good father's sacrifice for their wives and children. I am so grateful today for my dad and for H. I am truly, truly blessed to have had such good men in my life.

Dad, H.: You deserve all the happiness and joy that Heavenly Father can give to you. Big hugs and kisses and a day filled with good fun, good presents, and good food to you both! I know a lot of other good men out there, father's and fathers to be. To you all: Enjoy your day, you deserve it!

Why I Love Psych Reports:

2009-06-18T10:26:00.001-06:00

The patient states that he does believe he is "the prophet." He states that his white beard serves as evidence of this. He then laughs bizarrely.

Can You Read My Mind? (Lois Lane Theme)

2009-06-13T08:11:00.004-06:00

It's 8:12 in the morning on Saturday. I'm waiting for H. to wake up to go on our walk/run this morning. (We're supposed to run, but we'll see.) I'm dressed, the house is quiet except for the happy lull of the washing machine, and I'm wasting time at the computer....waiting....waiting....

Can you guess what I'm thinking about? I bet you can't. Twenty-four hours ago I couldn't have guessed what I would be thinking about. So, here is a major clue:

My mom has had these bad boys in her cupboard for SIX WHOLE MONTHS...untouched I might add. They have been tucked away, unopened, still fresh inside their happily sealed package. Every time I come to my mother's house I take a longing look at this package and then instead of opening the box, I walk away. I make a comment every third visit or so about how it would be great to have some Candy Cane Jojo's. My mom usually ignores my comments. Ok, she probably doesn't hear me because I'm usually talking to myself. So the last time I was at her house I said, "When are we going to open these up?" My mom tells me I can open then right then if I want. "No," I say, "let's wait until I come next time." Next time was to be one week later. Fast forward to last night.

H., the kids, and I come back from H.'s work party at the zoo (fun I might add and I will super try to download a pic from my cell phone of the kids), and I am hankering for something yummy. (We stayed at my parents house last night.) My mom and I go to the pantry and she points out all the yummy cookie/brownie/cake mixes she has. But, I'm not feeling invested in baking AT ALL. Then I see the brightly striped red/white package of joy. "Hey, can I open these?" Sure, says my mother who just rejoined Weight Watchers the night before. (To her credit, I think she had 1 cookie...that woman is a ROCK!)

I tried to be ginger about opening the package, but I failed, after a few attempts I just got desperate and ripped the dang thing. I then proceeded to pour myself a glass of milk. And I ate. Mmmmmmmmm......I had 5 cookies and they were worth it!! 150 calories for 2, so that means 375 calories of cookies at 10 p.m. at night. Nice call, right?

Addendum: Magic, part 2

2009-06-02T15:36:00.000-06:00

This morning I knew I would be "cross training." My run yesterday made me feel like I could just cruise on a nice walk this morning (and be completely justified in doing so). I was cruising all right, like an 80-year-old with a front-wheeled walker!

Ouch, ouch, ouch! Things hurt today. I couldn't even do a decent paced walk for goodness sake.

After my slower-than-snails walk, I sat down at the computer to work for a while. H. called me up for family prayer and for S. to get a father's blessing pre-girls camp and as I stood up, holy-moly....everything was screaming! Then kneeling down for the prayer was horrible....but nothing compared to trying to get up from kneeling! I had to call H. over to assist! Then he says, hey, let's say our prayer. UGH, really? So I get back down....and have to have him help me up again.

Maybe H. should feel grateful that I'm giving him a peak into our future life together.

Do You Believe In Magic?

2009-06-01T10:16:00.006-06:00

H. was feeling sick yesterday so I knew he wouldn't be exercising with me today. I geared up with S.'s iPod and took to the streets on my own. I did a route that does not have the hill of death included, its a route that basically runs around my house and the trail along the creek. It is 0.75 miles around and if you go around 4x, you've gone 3 miles.

After a quick little walk to warm up, I started my usual trot. Since the hill of death wasn't on my route today I thought I might just be able to run the entire 3 miles. And....yesiree.....I did it! I even made myself pass my house on my fourth time around to go to the place where I actually started to run, so that I could KNOW of a surety that I ran an entire 3 miles.

For the last 1.5 laps I was S.T.R.U.G.G.L.I.N.G. The 2 songs that were playing towards the end were "Defying Gravity" from Wicked and "Do You Believe in Magic?" Appropriate, no?

This is how long it took me to run and how long it took me to STOP sweating once I had finished (in minutes):

This is what my face looked like until just a few moments ago:

I really wanted to get a pic of myself so you could see just how bad it was, but my camera batteries are dead at the moment. Here is what I found online:

And, just as a fair warning, DO NOT Google "fat girl running" and expect completely benign pictures. Ick. Also, I don't wear ANYTHING that exposes my midriff while running...or ever! And my stride is about half of what is pictured here.

So, do you believe in magic? I know I do. June 1, 2009 will forever live in my own personal history. A day that started with the sweep of a wand and the determination of a fat girl and POOF....MAGIC!

Cross Training

2009-05-28T08:04:00.003-06:00

This week I've taken to running again. My heel is feeling pretty good and isn't all inflamed, so I thought I'd get back on the proverbial horse. Yesterday I ran for 2.5 miles and even tried to brave the nasty hill. As I kept running and running towards the hill I was considering running up it and here was my thought process:

Me: I'm almost at the hill. If I run up the hill and keep going I will have run an entire 3 miles. Wow, can I do it? Should I do it? I dunno, I'm feeling tired and a bit worn out, but, maybe.....

Suddenly H. says: Are you going to run up the hill?

Me: You never should have asked me that.

H.: Sorry.....um.....you're not going to run up that hill are you? I mean, there's no way you'll make it. It's too hard.

Me: Now you're getting the picture.

So I trod up the hill, all the while my dear husband is saying: Just one step at a time, don't look up, just one step at a time.

I made it one-third of the way up the hill. Semi-pathetic, but still a semi-victory for me. When I got home, I was fighting back tears again....shocking.

Then last night I go visiting teaching to some of the best ladies, EVER! And we end up having a conversation about how we're supposed to cross train, how doing the same thing every day is hard on your body...etc....

I woke up this morning and just wasn't feeling the running love, but I often don't feel it and do it anyway. But today I mention my cross training conversation with H. and he says something like "I told you so," and I'm taken aback.

Me: What ever do you mean?

H.: I told you that you should do something different every other day to allow your body to recover. Did you know that walking is considered cross training when you're running?

Me: Well that's all I needed to hear. I'm cross training, not being lazy, right?

H.: Right!

I was loving my cross training today. Thanks to all my loved ones who assured me that I was not being lazy, but rather thinking like an athlete! Maybe I have more athlete in me than I realized!

Further Proof

2009-05-23T06:45:00.001-06:00

I now have further proof that I am not just another mother singing her child's praises. Last night my daughter won two awards for choir. Both of these medals she received by a majority vote of her peers.

1. Best Solo Performance.
2. Soprano Leader.

Have I already mentioned what a terrific daughter I have? Medals or not, she rocks the house!

On My Own

2009-05-21T21:32:00.002-06:00

The other night we went to the final choir concert of the year for our daughter. She informed us the night before the concert that she had a solo part. What? Um, what is the solo? What are you singing? It's from Les Mis, she says. And then I start to think, uh oh.

I've been to a few concerts this year and to be truthful, its junior high and I'm not sure why I expect more than I get. However, the younger choir really is better than the older, more practiced choir, and that is no lie.

I know my daughter likes to sing, so she rates high in enthusiasm.

I asked her to please sing her solo part for her father and me. She was a bit embarrassed. I assured her that we would look away.

She then proceeded to sing the first few lines of On My Own. She sounded ok, nothing better or worse than what I've heard all year. Ok, just typing this out makes me feel like a real heel for not being more complimentary of my own daughter. But, I'll redeem myself, you'll see.

We invited grandma and grandpa J. down to Payson to see the show. It was just the choir, which was good. When they do all the bands, and guitars, and orchestra and the choirs, it is just too much!

Anyway....I digress. We went into the little lunch room/auditorium and the Les Mis medley was the last bit of the concert. Her part was what I think is part of the chorus, but they had her sing this first:

On my own
Pretending he's beside me
All alone
I walk with him 'til morning
Without him, I feel his arms around me
And when I lose my way, I close my eyes and he has found me.

I wish I had video taped this. I have no excuse. I don't think about it, I just go to these things and it doesn't even occur to me that I should be documenting this on tape. WHAT WAS I THINKING?

My daughter sounded absolutely beautiful. I cried and cried. I was a complete mess. A lot of those kids get scared and sound timid, not my girl! She was confident! Her voice was gorgeous!

I'm not saying I'm expecting a recording contract at our door, but I was so, so, so proud of her. She did so well I cannot even tell you.

Even now I'm getting all choked up thinking about her and that performance. And now that I just asked her what lines she sang again, she is upstairs singing them in the shower. A-MAZE-ING.

Why I Haven't Posted Pictures

2009-05-20T08:16:00.005-06:00

I've received some requests to post pictures of myself now that I've lost 40 lbs. There are a few reasons why I haven't posted any pictures. The explanation is kind of convoluted so bear with me.

After my hysterectomy in Dec of 2006 I joined Weight Watchers. I lost about 30 lbs and then in the fall of 2007 I went back to school and spent the next 9 months getting my degree and putting the 30 lbs back on. By the time I graduated I had hit not my all time high, but pretty close to it. So, I've already lost and gained 30 pounds. And a lot of you saw that.

Now that I am 40 lbs down I feel like some of you saw me at 30 lbs down already and you wouldn't see a difference. Make sense?

Miss Becky: Since you'll see me at the wedding in a month or so, I'm going to just fill your head with super fat shots of myself. That way when you do see me, the change might be somewhat dramatic. (Ok, not very dramatic, but I can always hope, right?) So here they are, fat shots.

Oh my! I cannot even believe the size of my ...... UGH!

Various and Sundry

2009-05-18T10:17:00.003-06:00

I got somewhat officially diagnosed with tendinitis of my Achilles heel on Friday. We have a friend who is a PA and he pretty much verified what I already knew. And, he advised me to stop working out so hard. He recommended a bike. Ugh. I don't have a bike. We have a couple of old rusty bikes that are hanging in our garage, but....

Instead I just keep walking, but slower and definitely NO running. Bummer. I miss running and the feeling I get when I do it. I also think my house is going to be a lot cleaner because you can burn some serious calories with housecleaning and I don't irritate my heel.

In other news: My sunburn is finally feeling better today. I had H. lather on some serious Eucerin cream yesterday and that seems to have helped.

I finally reached 40 pounds off....finally. I have so far to go still, but that 40 pound hurdle seemed like it was never going to come. I credit my bodybugg, as well as my own sheer will to keep moving every day until I reach my calorie burned goal.

Thanks!

2009-05-14T21:56:00.001-06:00

Thanks Sandy!!!

The Plunge

2009-05-13T17:06:00.003-06:00

I took the plunge, with the blessing of my husband, and got myself a bodybugg. I believe I've mentioned this little unit before, but I finally got one and we are now calling the bodybugg my Mother's Day gift.

Here is what my bugg looks like:

My bugg tracks calories burned. After I've worn the little unit for a while on the backside of my left arm I can plug it into my computer and download my info. I can see how many calories I burn as I sit around, how many I burn when doing laundry, gardening, or exercise. This thing rocks and I have great plans for serious weight loss!

The bugg has a goal for calories burned, calorie intake, and a calorie deficit. My deficit goal is 1000 every day, which will average me out to a 2 pound weight loss every week.

You see, my surgery helps me not to binge....but it doesn't make me want to exercise. And I can still overeat the wrong kinds of foods. I've been doing great on my own, but the progress is a bit slow. Hopefully I can ramp up my losses and get this show on the road already!

No Good Deed...

2009-05-11T09:53:00.005-06:00

Harold and I had the bright idea to do some yard work on Saturday. The past few Saturdays have been rainy and I heard TONS of complaints about it. Last week I told H. that maybe the Lord was blessing us with rain so that we would get a free pass from yard work for another week before yard work season began. I had no idea how RIGHT I was.

We spent HOURS on Saturday weeding and planting. Apparently I was exposing my backside during the entire event because I ended up with a sunburn in an elliptical shape on my back. Because I like to educate my readers every now and then, here is the shape of an ellipse.

This picture is perfect because it shows the size and shape of my backside sunburn in red and the size and shape of H.s sunburn in green. Yes, we have matching sunburns.

I do not believe I have EVER exposed the small of my back to the sun, EVER! I cannot sleep on my back, I cannot sit, and most importantly, I could not run today. I started, for a brief moment, and the repeated jarring and rubbing from my clothes made jogging a complete no-no.

Ouch people!

Also, I have the strangest pain in my left Achilles. I spent a lot of time bent at the waist pulling weeds. You would think my back would hurt (the muscles, not the skin), but my heel?

On a brighter note: Mother's Day was extremely pleasant and I was very moved at church. I had a terrific M-day. It wasn't about the presents or the cards, or the Hershey's bar I got at church and snarfed behind the piano during Primary. It was due to a thoughtful husband and loving children.

Running Tracker

2009-05-08T08:16:00.003-06:00

I did 2.46 miles today.

I forgot to set my alarm last night, which is pretty much unheard of for me. I awoke this morning about 6:45 and got out to exercise at 7:00. Usually at 7:30 is when Sav's friend arrives for us to take them to school, but I usually load them up around 7:40.

Basically, we were running behind. No pun intended. I knew that even though I had mentally prepared myself to run today that I would probably have to run further and a bit faster to get back to the house by 7:40. I've mentioned before that I am a slow-as-molasses runner, correct?

The first part of the run was difficult because there was quite a bit of wind. I kept having to adjust my posture, but most of the time I was pitched forward a bit. By the time I ended our first running leg (about 1.5 miles) my lower right back was feeling a bit of pain.

Then came the darn hill. I just couldn't bring myself to run up the hill, I just couldn't. Walking that darn hill is hard enough!

Then after we reached the peak of the hill it was time to run again. After about half way through that leg I was having a hard time. The one word I said to H. between pants was, "struggling..." He asked what we could talk about to help, and I had no idea.

As a ran further I came up with a few things to talk about, or comment on. Here is my exact train of thought and what I actually said to H., in order:

1. I labored long and hard to bring two children into this world with no epidural on either one. That labor lasted longer than a measly 40 minutes of running and if I can do that, I can run for 40 minutes.
2. One of the products of my labor was at home at that very moment freaking out that we were going to be late in getting her and her friends to school so we needed to keep going as fast as possible.
3. Said product of my labor would see us running when we arrived, because she undoubtedly would be standing outside watching for us, and would think that we hurried on her account and were only thinking about her.....which is what every teenager thinks. (and yes, she was standing outside waiting, and freaked out)
4. There were a bunch of fat people driving by watching me and thinking, Hey, if that fat girl can do it, I can do it. Then H. said I was a real reality show right in front of their eyes.
5. Then I said, "Except, when I run, I don't feel like I'm a fat girl." And I started to cry.

It is amazing what my exercise routine is doing for me, mentally.

The other day I ran into my SIL's mom, Sandy. She came into the house and I could hear her ask to see me. She follows this blog and knows I am trying hard to lose weight. I was a little embarassed because I know my body hasn't really changed since the last time I saw her. But, as I think about that, I realize that some of my biggest changes right now are going on inside my head, a place that definitely affects my physical appearance, but that nobody can really see. Except if you read this blog, right?

And, I highly recommend geodistance.com. You plug in your address and you can map a route near your house to walk or run. I love that thing, and that little tool is how I know exactly how far I run every day.

Running Report

2009-05-06T07:32:00.001-06:00

I did 2.06 miles of my 3 mile route today.

Miscellaneous

2009-05-05T07:57:00.002-06:00

Kudos to Sandy for guessing the pandora's box quote from my last post. I love, love, love that movie!

Time to do a little diet/weight loss/exercise update. One of these days I'm actually going to copy all my blog posts to a word document and print them off for my personal journal, that's the real reason I blog you know. Not for the comments or the attention [she says with her tongue firmly implanted in her cheek].

My new shoes rock the planet. I never ever think about my feet while I'm exercising any more. I think about them while I'm putting on my nice new shoes, but then I forget about my feet, and isn't that the point of really great shoes?

I've been adding some extremely slow jogging into my 3-mile route. Saturday I jogged 0.66 miles and then Monday I did 1.45 miles. Then today I didn't run at all. On Saturday I actually cried when I got home. I was so proud, then yesterday I was pretty much beaming all day. What an amazing feeling to do something that I told myself I couldn't do. Why do we limit ourselves this way? Why do we insist that we are not capable, when, in fact, we are extremely capable?

H. tells me I've become obsessed with weight loss. He says I talk about it all the time. How many calories I've eaten, how many I've burned, whether or not I over did it on this meal or that meal, getting online and tracking new walking routes or to track exactly how far I've run, reading other blogs about it, getting onto calorie websites or calculating my BMR.

My first reaction to H.'s claim is, "Right! If I was obsessed I would be thin right now." But, no, he's right. I am obsessed. However, here is my justification.

1. I've never met anyone who successfully lost a great deal of weight without becoming somewhat obsessive about it. You HAVE to think about it constantly, otherwise you fall back into the same bad habits that got you there in the first place.

2A. The scale has been resistant and when I don't get validation from the scale I get worried that my current routine isn't making the grade and that I need to change it up.

2B. When you put so much work into something and the scale is resistant its a real downer and so I start to question everything.

3. I had weight loss surgery! Of course I'm thinking about it ALL THE TIME!

4. Of course I turn to Harold for validation when I question myself, that's why he gets paid the big bucks!

So, I'm going to embrace my obsessed status. I will, however, try to talk about it a little less with H. I caught myself talking about my calorie intake with H. on our morning walk. Oops. Then I caught him (out of the corner of my eye) rolling his eyes. I know he's sick of hearing every calorie I ingest. I would be sick of it, too. I think that is one of the reasons people start weight loss blogs, so that they can hash all that stuff out online. Send the info out to the great big void that is the internet. Don't worry, I will not be tracking my calories with all you unsuspecting folks.

So, when I named this post "miscellaneous," what I really meant was every tiny little aspect of weight loss because I don't think about much else.

How Old is Old Enough?

2009-04-26T08:22:00.003-06:00

My darling daughter wants to join Facebook. I won't post her age because I really do try not to give too much identifying info about my children on my blog, but the people who read this know her age.

She pestered me about this for a few days this week and I finally just said NO. She has a couple of friends who have joined, who I happen to be facebook friends with, so I know there are others out there who have FB accounts, but I just don't know if I want to open that Pandora's box.

"I knew a girl in school named Pandora, didn't open her box though." (Name that movie)

A friend of mine told me her brother quit FB after getting porn advertisements on his page. How does FB advertise anyway? How do they decide that I need to get multiple DIET ads? Or my latest, breast augmentation? EWWWW.

I don't want my daughter looking at this crap. She is young and impressionable and I want her to stay happily ignorant for a while longer. Is this too much to ask? Or am I being overprotective? I could let her join with the following caveats:

1. I know her password.
2. I approve all people who ask to be her friend and all people she asks to be friends with.

Would this help? Or am I fooling myself?

On another note: Another friend of mine from long ago posted my 6th grade picture on FB. Holy crud, time flies. I remember that picture being taken. I wore my best dress, I took all kinds of time curling my hair. Then we got to school and had recess before the pics were taken. Oops, hair is straight and pulled back with a barrette. Then I look at all the other names and remember who I had a crush on, which girls were popular, which girls got on my nerves, which boys were a little on the outcast side, and my teacher-who seemed to have a pretty stern look on her face pretty much all the time. Sixth grade must have been a fun one to teach. Hey, I just remembered I can download the pic....here it is:

In an effort to jog my memory, here are the deets of my 6th grade class:
Tiff had asthma.
Carol and Lynda were the popular ones/hotties. They were super nice though, so it was hard to hate them.
Lots of girls dug Scott, I remember thinking he was decent, but being that into him.
Christine was a good friend of mine through 6th grade. We were semi-friends in high school.
Jenny had the same initials as me but everyone in our class called HER JJ. I was annoyed.
Louis's sister joined the church when she was in her early 20s or late teens. She got married the same day as me, we were both in the bride's room at the Oakland Temple at the same time.
Audrey was snotty.
I once tattled on Shauna. She stole some colored pencils (I think) from a teacher. She hated me after that.

The pictures help me, I need to get my own pics out and start writing things down for when I am super old and can't remember a dang thing. Because at least now I can remember by looking at the photos.

Now that I've walked a mile...or Eleven....

2009-04-22T08:41:00.003-06:00

Ok, ok, I'll admit it...I'm loving my shoes. I've worn them now for a few days of exercise and they are quite nice. I did, however, find a drawback to my lovely shoes:

They have a lot of mesh on them and when I walked on some grass that had been recently watered, HELLO! water seepage. Yikes. It wasn't just wet, it was cold, too. Harold informs me that his shoes have similar mesh (but how would I know that since he wears his leather shoes on our walk together-yes the ones he wears to both work AND church, who knows where his fancy running shoes are?). He says the mesh also allows them to dry quickly, which I found was quite true.

My new shoes also adorned my feet last night when I did the slowest jog ever seen by the human eye for an entire 0.5 mile straight. Yes indeedy...I jogged...on street surfaces. Wow, I felt like a little kid who when they get new shoes say, "My new shoes make me run faster!" Except mine didn't help with speed, but I'm not blaming the shoes.

Overpriced

2009-04-19T08:23:00.002-06:00

After we paid the bills yesterday and did the usual juggling (if you don't know what I mean, I have no explanation) and looked at what was left I felt pretty decent that we would make it until next pay day, we would just need to be careful.

Well, we ended up in Orem at Costco (for toilet paper) and because we passed the fancy running shop I mused aloud, "I sure wish I could get some nice walking shoes."

Harold: Why don't you?
Me: Uh, I thought that was obvious.
H: Come on, let's stop and you can at least try some on, but you really should get some.
Me: Um, ok. (I'm so hard to sway, aren't I?)

So we stop. We walk in and I'm sure the guy at the store was thinking, "Hmmm, which one of these super in-shape people are needing help with their running needs today. Wow, I can usually tell who is the runner, but today it's a real toss up."

Since he was so confused, he just asked, "How can I help you?"

Harold pointed at me and told the man I needed some good walking shoes. That moment was right about when I started seeing prices. 129.95? That cannot be! So I vowed to try on shoes, jot down the brand and style of the shoe, and start saving up. I believe buying nice shoes is one of my rewards for weight loss....actually, just a second and let me consult with my goal/reward sheet.

Ok, I'm back. Yep, my next reward is in 4 pounds and it is to buy new workout shoes. (As a side note, I've started really tracking calories and have FINALLY started losing weight again. This process is slow, but I feel like things are on the move in the right direction and I have big goals to lose all this da-- weight by the end of the year.)

Anyway, so I have 4 more pounds to lose before I get this new shoe reward so I'll just try some on. As any runners out there know, the fancy running stores take the optometry approach to shoes. Put one on your right foot, a different shoe on your left and walk around. Which shoe is better, right or left. Pick left, change out shoe on the right and go again. I did this about 4 or 5 times and voila, I found a shoe. The shoe is made by Asics and the name of the shoe is Cumulus. Get it? And, I do feel like I am walking on a cloud. These things are L-O-V-E-L-Y! Now, why is it the best feeling shoe is not the best looking shoe? Oh well. So then I get to the inevitable and ask the price. $95. Ouch. I then have this inner struggle. Will my children be able to eat this week if I buy these shoes. Will I have enough gas in the car? The struggle didn't last too long because I had my champion sitting there with me. Just get them Jeanna, You know you won't come back. Just get them now. These shoes will make a big difference, I promise. No, my champion isn't the little devil on my shoulder, it's Harold. He's the best!

So, I got the shoes. I did. My children will eat and if we run out of gas in the car, I'll WALK to the store. :) (Ok, now don't go thinking things are THAT dire around here, but I truly do have a hard time spending that kind of money on myself.)

I get up to the cash register, who has probably run way too many marathons in his life (as evidenced by his super thin frame and eyes crossed, probably looking for the finish line from about mile 2), and I say to the man, "so, do you have a first-time buyers discount?"

I learned this tactic from my father whose famous line is, "it doesn't hurt to ask."

The man hedged, but only for a small moment, before he reached into the cash register, pulled out a small coupon for $10 off, and threw it at me and said, "That's your coupon right?"

YOU BETCHA!

So, with taxes and such my total was $90 and I CANNOT WAIT to go walking again on Monday morning. Yay me! Cumulus, here I come.

Now, on to my next big event this week. I picked up my new glasses. Yes, the ones with "progressive" lenses. Meaning, I've "progressed" into middle age, I've "progressed" to needing reading and/or computer distance glasses as well as movies/tv/driving distance glasses, I've "progressed" into feeling older in a matter of 2 weeks since I found out I needed these lenses, I've "progressed" into paying WAY more for my glasses than I used to, I've progressed!

I put on my new glasses at the store and WHOA NELLY these things are freaky weird. Everywhere I look everything is blurry. Now, correct me if I'm wrong but I thought that glasses are supposed to bring everything into ~focus~!

This is what they tell me, "You have to find your sweet spot." Uhhhhhh.......ok. You don't move your eyes anymore, you move your head.

This turns me off. Instead of me casually looking to the left or right, I have to move my entire head! What the? Now I have visions of me looking like a bobblehead. I don't like it, I don't like it at all. I don't consider myself ultra-vain, but looking like a skittish Jack Russell isn't on my list of lifetime to-do's.

And, I've gotten minor headaches when I wear the glasses. EVERYONE tells me it takes time to get used to these babies, but I am living with regret. I wish I had just gone with the single vision lenses and kept on wearing my cheap reading glasses that I bought at Family Dollar (aka White Trash, USA).

However, since I spend a LARGE amount of time looking at the computer, either for work or recreation, I really needed these lenses. So, Sweet Spot, wherever you are, please come out from hiding and let me look! At least let me find you by the time I finish paying off the darn glasses! (And it wasn't the frame that cost money, I purposely ONLY looked at frames that my insurance would cover 100%, which is $100 or less) it was the LENSES that cost $240.

Did I mention that after I ordered the glasses that I called Harold. I was in the car on the way home and had to break the news that I was spending that kind of money on myself. He took the news better than I did, I cried. I did. I was devastated. The thought of blowing that kind of money on myself and on glasses? Plus, the whole event made me feel O.L.D. I was BAWLING on the phone, while he laughed. No lie. Wait, didn't I just say a few paragraphs ago that H. is the best? Hmmmmm...I'm reconsidering.

I also bawled because when I feel kind of down like that I want food and that wasn't an option so I was wanting a carbonated beverage. And that is even more out of the question. While I was bawling I was saying, "I want a soda....and I can't have one." And the husband laughed on. Even his female coworker who overheard the conversation was sympathetic....not like my husband.

Ok, ok, he did encourage the shoe buying so maybe he's redeemed himself.

Welcome to......Reality Town, USA

2009-04-02T16:42:00.002-06:00

Today I volunteered to help at Sav's school in a little exercise they called Reality Town.

Based on the child's GPA they were given a list of occupational options from which they chose their top three. Then they were given a booklet that told them if they were married, if they had children, how many and their ages, what their occupation was, as well as what kind of degree was required to go into that occupation. Then based on their occupation they were told how much money they get each month and then subtracted taxes, state and federal, and then automatically deducted their student loan payment.

The kids started at the bank. I was a banker for the first few minutes where I recorded in their booklet how much money they had, told them to select a checkbook and then summarily subtracted $20 for check printing fees.

May I say? I like this game already.

Then I asked the kids if they wanted to put any money in savings. The most popular response was, "Uhhhh.....I don't know." My advice was to pay themselves first, at least 10%. Some kids took my advice, some did not. Some saved a 25%, some 0. The highest salary I saw was $8000/month for an OB/GYN. The lowest was I think a singer for around $1500. My favorite was the "professional athlete" who made around $2300. Ha! One kid said, "yes, I am the worst professional athlete on the planet." No kidding? More than likely, you wanted to be a professional athlete, injured yourself and are now the lucky water boy, my friend.

Another funny thing, the girl who was the OB/GYN saved NOTHING. What the heck. I knew about how much money she needed to get to all the booths in Reality Town (about 15 booths) and she had WAY MORE than she needed. I really wanted to find that girl and see if she bought a fancy house and/or car. But, no, I never saw her again. She's probably off living the dream. Darn her.

The booths that were there included transportation, communication, pet shop, car insurance, medical office, dental office, entertainment, and grocery. There were more, I just cannot remember them all (maybe too much reality for me?)

After we got the kids set up at the bank, I headed over to the Health Insurance booth. Some kids showed up there first, some showed up there after they had already visited the doctor as well as the dentist. Ooops. No insurance, higher payments.

The other lady and I who were running the booth headed over to the health booth and told them to send the kids down to our booth for insurance first. They said they had been expressly forbidden to tell the kids the little insurance secret. Oh my.

One girl cried. After visiting the doctor, she had no money left.

This little exercise in reality was fun for me, fun for the kids, and a real eye opener. I could not have been more pleased.

Things I learned today:

1. Just because a kid looks low income, doesn't mean their monthly income was going to be low. This pretty much rats me out as someone who judges too quickly/too harshly. Some of those kids who did not smell nice, who needed a bath, who were shy, and otherwise unremarkable to look must be doing really, really well in school. Hooray for them for overcoming life's obstacles at such a young age. I pray they make it.

2. I need to take my own advice and pay myself first.

3. I am extremely happy with my husband's insurance coverage. I have griped and griped about his salary for far too long. When I factor in his excellent insurance coverage, I feel super, super blessed.

4. My daughter did pretty well in the income department, but she needs to do better. This means that with a little more effort on my part, I need to get behind that girl and make sure she stays on top of her grades.

5. Another woman said to me what a great reality check it was for her to see her children's peers. Doing so allows her to see that her children really are "normal" for their age. I agree.

I like Reality Town, USA and I'll be volunteering again in a few years to watch my boy and see what his monthly income will be as well as whether or not he likes reality. Savannah liked it just fine, she had money left over at the end of the month. Now, that's something I have seen pretty rarely in my own life.

I'm all a-Quiver

2009-03-26T18:14:00.002-06:00

How many times in a given day do you hear the word "quiver?" I'm guessing if you are like me, you don't hear that word much at all. I would imagine that if you are like me, you could count the amount of times you hear that word in an entire year on one hand.

Well, the past 24 hours I have heard that word 3 times in completely unrelated episodes.

1. I bought a book at Wal-Mart with the title Quiver. I didn't really pay much attention to the title, and lest you think I bought some tawdry romance novel, let me put your minds at rest. This is an action/suspense kind of novel. I wouldn't really recommend any of my tender hearted readers buy this book for reasons I will not disclose on my semi-family-friendly blog. Of course there are multiple reasons for this title. 1. Because one of the characters dies accidentally from a bow (get it, quiver?) from a shot fired from his son (get it, quiver full?) and because there are scary parts (get it, scary, quivering?)

2. Then while I was listening to NPR radio in the morning (I am a recent convert and wish I could pledge some money to this little gem as right now they are having their semi-annual fund raising drive) when a story came on about a movement mostly in the midwest/south area called "Quiverfull." This movement is embraced by conservative evangelical Christians who believe that God will give them as many children as he wants to give them, that children are a gift from God, and therefore, they do not believe in birth control including natural family planning and sterilization. Of course, they get their name from the scripture in Psalms. I really do like this scripture by the way.

3. I was testing Mack on his spelling words and lo and behold, quiver!

What are the chances people? I find this all very interesting and am all a-quiver! with excitement.

How many times have you heard quiver this week? You may count my blog as one source, but other than that, how many?

Vitamin Water

2009-03-23T11:01:00.000-06:00

I've seen this stuff around but I've never tried it. Sounds kinda icky to me, If I want water, I'll get water.

But today I was in the mood for a different flava, besides plain ole water. So I opt for a Vitamin Water. I picked orange-orange which is enriched with C and calcium. Now, if I haven't told you this before, I'm starting to get a little worked up about my age and that I need to be making sure I'm getting the right kinds of vitamins and nutrients into my body. Also, with the lapband I'm supposed to pay close attenton to my fiber and my protein intake (which, lately, I haven't been).

I picked the C/calcium combo because I don't get a lot of citrus in my diet and because I don't have a uterus I am at risk for osteoporosis from lack of calcium. Soooooooo.......

I start drinking, and hey! it doesn't taste too bad. I'm thinking I'm liking the VW. Then I think, the VW cannot taste this good AND be low-cal. And, as I look at the nutrition info, I discover that Lo and Behold, I am correct. This dang VW is 2.5 servings, 50 cals each. 125 calories for water. I know this is considered a semi-low-cal snack, and I eat dessert far more often than is necessary so why am I griping about my low-cal water option, you ask?

Because, dangit, I DO NOT WANT TO BLOW MY CALORIES ON WATER!

Do you ever feel like you just cannot win? If I am going to lose weight, do I pretty much have to sacrifice flavor all together?

I've tried the protein water by Special K, not bad, not super high cal, but doesn't taste that great either. I've tried the Weight Watcher mix-ins for water, again, very low-cal which pretty much equals very low-taste.

I think I'll just suck it up and deal with the 125 calorie water and be glad I didn't choose the 273 calorie Snickers (how did she know that?) or the 160 calorie Gardetto's (that is one serving, and we all know I wouldn't stop at 1 serving).

The VW will do just fine today, and I'll stand proud that I made a better choice.

Speaking of random things: Do you ever feel that you want to go back to the days when you didn't think about calcium deficiency, bowel movements, hormone replacement, and high cholesterol?

Gardetto's/Man haters

2009-03-20T08:50:00.000-06:00

Gardetto's: Have you ever had this stuff? Ok, the better question is....who HASN'T had this stuff? I love it. I love the pretzels and the rye crackers the best. The large sesame doo-dads I can live without, as well as the bumpy crackers that look like a tall, thin snowman.

I went to the convenient store this morning on my way to work (6:40 a.m.) and decided I would want something salty later today and I grabbed the Gardetto's. I don't usually buy them because let's face it, those things are LOADED with fat and calories. I wasn't really caring today because my weight loss, or lack thereof, is getting me down. And, what does a big girl do when she is depressed about not losing weight? She eats.

So it's 8:45 and I think, what the heck, I've been awake since 5:30, I can break open the Gardetto's. I eat one or two and then LOOK at the crackers. No rye crackers. Um....what? Upon closer inspection I find that I have purchased the "Special Italian Recipe."

NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

This gets me even more depressed and makes me want to throw the entire package that I purchased for the outrageous price of $1.99 away. Not a bad idea. But then where will I find salty happiness? Phooey.

On another note: As you know, I am currently training new employees at the office in American Fork. This office was formerly used by MANY transcriptionists in the past who were here pretty much all day every day and decided to make this place their home away from home. Many of those ladies have gone to another facility but some left behind what I have dubbed "Man-hater signs."

The first sign reads: A fool and his money are a great date.
The second sign reads: Any woman looking for a husband never had one.

Now, why the heck did these signs make the cut when the office was cleaned out recently? I sit in an office at one end of the hall and the trainees are at the other end of the hall. These two signs are prominently displayed on a shelf on the wall between the two offices. I have to get up repeatedly throughout the day to read reports at the other end of the hall so I have to walk by these signs OVER and OVER and OVER. Allllll daaaaaay looooong.

I'm pretty sure the owner of these signs has forgotten about them, so can I throw them away? Would anyone be offended? Because frankly, I'm offended by those signs.

11 Long Days

2009-03-18T15:56:00.002-06:00

The title here refers to the fact that I have not written anything AT ALL for 11 long days. My poor readers. Are you still out there? There are two reasons for my abscence.

1. I have been going IN to work A LOT. We have been training new employees and this requires a lot of time. I go into the office and basically play musical chairs while I hop from chair to chair and listen to the reports they type. I listen, read, and critique. I don't mind this. I like going into work now and then. I like getting showered and dressed in the morning rather than some time in the late afternoon. I like seeing and being around other people during the day. I do not, however, like driving all the way to American Fork or getting home between 6:15 and 7:00 every night. My poor latch-key children. Starting next week I will only do this 3 times a week or possibly 2, depending. This will be good, as my poor kids need their mother. They just don't know it.

2. H. and I went on a vacation, yes we did. We went to California, Carmel to be exact. Have I mentioned how much I love it there? We left last Wednesday and returned on Monday. I spent a significant amount of my time on the porch. I read, sunbathed the parts of my body that I was willing to show (face, arms, lower legs), read, and slept. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. The porch on that house is probably my most favorite place in the world. Is that odd? It's not my house and I don't really care for golf, but I love that place. Love, love, love it.

When we went to church the locals asked where we were visiting from and I replied, Payson, Utah. Then I promptly added, "yes, the grass is greener here." They got a kick out of that and I spoke only the truth (as I am prone to do at church). The green of the grass was amazing and contrasted beautifully with the blue of the sea and the sky as well as the whites of the puffy clouds.

A couple of golfers made passing comments. One was, "People actually live here?!" My reply, "I'm just a guest." Harold didn't like that. He felt like I should just play it up and dismiss the man with a wave of my bejeweled hand (did I mention I got some sweet silver/coral jewelry in Monterey?). I also purchased sunglasses (my really cool ones from last year broke, poo!) and a scarf (orange, of course). I can do a fantastic Jackie O. impression now with my scarf wrapped around my head and neck and my sunglasses on.

A caddy asked about the owner of the house, informing me that his mother and the owner "used to" go to church together. I know the owner still goes to church, so maybe the caddy's mother is either a. dead, or b. inactive? Just curious. When I asked about the location of the church the caddy hemmed and hawed a bit. He was either a. inactive himself, or b. anxious to get back to the high-paying golfers who are ultimately tied to the caddy's financial future.

Some more fun facts from our trip:
1. Did you know my mother (my parents went with us and we had a great time together) can go to bed around midnight and not get out of bed until 2 p.m. the next day? I didn't know that either.
2. Garlic fries are indeed considered a destination in my travel book.
3. When you go down a pier or wharf looking for a restaurant you will most certainly not get much to choose from other than fish. I knew this, but I was hoping....
4. The wharf restaurants in Monterey employ people to put the squeeze on potential buyers by harassing said hungry hunters to eat at their establishments. Also tied with #4, a piece of cheesecake included in the meal pretty much means the smallest slice of cheesecake known to man.
5. Rosine's restaurant in Monterey rocks. They have yummy food and the LARGEST desserts EVER, of which I feel I am a good judge based on my cheesecake experience from #4.
6. H. likes pens so much he will spend as much on a pen as I will on a bracelet and a ring.
7. Giving gifts at church is a nice idea. A man came up to me and handed me a pen. I thanked him and made a joke about this being my door prize, and he did not respond. Then he pulled out a small figurine of a resin building labeled, "Museum" and gave it to my father. Then he handed me another pink pen, so I handed the original pen down to my mother. Later Harold was gifted with a brand new green calculator. The man was sweet and we watched as he gave out gifts to quite a few people at church that day.

All in all, a good time was had by all, and getting back into the grind is a harsh kind of reality. But, as I reminded Harold, it is our reality that allows the fantasy every now and again.

Super Sad Ring Update

2009-03-07T18:13:00.001-07:00

I got a call today from Bags that Fit and they will not be able to get me the ring I ordered. Apparently size 9 is just too darn large...story of my life. I'm so sad I could cry. I've been online and I went to every single store in the Provo mall that sold jewelry. No one has a ring like it. The nice lady offered to refund my money via a check in the mail and I agreed. Then I called back and told her to just get me a size 8 and I'll make do. A size 8 will fit on my pinky. How sad is that? I wanted a ring finger ring. Dang, dang, dang.

If I can somehow jimmy rig the rose part off the ring part, then I'll find a size 9 band on which I will attach the rose. Crossing my large fingers.

Purses

2009-03-06T07:26:00.002-07:00

For years and years I never carried a purse. They were bulky and annoying and why would I burden myself with that? When the kids were small I carried a diaper bag and that further cemented my distaste for large, heavy bags. After I no longer carried a diaper bag around I opted for my usual wallet only routine. At some point I got a little sloppy with my wallet. My wallets were never enclosed so when I put a receipt in there it would fold out and around the wallet edges. Add several hundred receipts and ~voila~ my wallet looked like an accountants desk at tax time.

At some point a few years ago I decided I would carry a purse. A small, fit-my-wallet-and-keys-and-possibly-a-mint-or-two kind of purse. And, if I was only going to carry around one purse I needed it to "go" with my entire wardrobe. Brown it was. I've been carrying around a brownish purse for some time. Yet, over the past year or so, I've started looking around at other purses. I see cute pink purses, orange purses, red purses. I don't like the ultra slouchy purses no matter the color, but a largish purse would fit my frame nicely and a bright color would make me all kinds of happy.

I've started having purse envy. The problem with this new-found lust for a portable life carrier is that purses cost money. I often find myself at the mall, walking around JCPenney (they tend to have some really great sales), looking at the purses, and though they are on sale for $20 or so I just cannot bring myself to spend that kind of money on a fashion item. I mean, I don't tend to spend that much on a pair of pants. Purses are not a ~NEED~! Are they?

I went to a purse party last night held at a super cute boutique store in Lehi (who knew?) and took my daughter with me. We perused the little store and were eyeing all kinds of loveliness. Purses of all colors, soft salmon, bright orange, the perfect red. A few gorgeous greens.

Problem: All purses ran in the range of $100. No-Can-Do! I came this close to calling H. and asking for a budget, hoping he would be his usual super-nice self and tell me to buy whatever I wanted (probably knowing deep down that there was no way I would decide to add a pricey little number like that to my wardrobe).

Instead I bought S a cute little pair of earrings ($10) and myself a ring for 8.50. Don't get me wrong, my ring is super, duper cute. I love it. It is a little cream-colored open rose on a sterling silver base. You don't actually see the base, it just looks like the ring is sitting atop my hand, adorning me with femininity and floral loveliness. Thank goodness the item in the store I thought was the ultra-cutest was also the cheapest! And my ring looks so nice with my fingers painted a deep wine color. I do have to wait for the ring to get shipped to me because they were out of my size...Boo!...but I am now awaiting my new arrival with great anticipation as I look at my ugly brown plastic-ey purse that still holds my wallet, keys, and a few mints.

The Blue Lemon

2009-03-02T08:01:00.004-07:00

On Friday H. and I went on a date night with Matt and Julie. As Matt and I were emailing back and forth, trying to decide what to do for date night, Matt suggested we eat at The Blue Lemon. He had heard of the restaurant through a coworker. I found the website and looked around a bit and decided it sounded fantastic. I was totally up for something new. Do you ever feel like that? Like you just cannot go to Cafe Rio one more time, even though you love it? I was in that kind of a mood. Matt suggested we check with the spouses to make sure they were ok with the food shift. Matt got everything cleared with Julie and I emailed H. with a weblink. He emailed back and said he was a-ok with the new place.

As we were driving to M&J's place I said, "I'm surprised you were ok with a new place, especially since the website said they were 'healthy.'"

H: What?

Me: Well, it said they were "healthy without sacrificing flavor."

H: Oh no! Do we have to go there?

Me: Dude, we already agreed. Didn't you read the website?

H: No response, other than the guttural noises.

So we drive on up there with H. complaining all the way. We get inside and the place is new and clean and has a real sharp new-agey kind of feel to it. Plus, who doesn't like a place called the Blue Lemon. The name alone makes me happy. I dig lemons (if you haven't been reading this blog for very long). So The Blue Lemon is intriguing.

The restaurant is set up so that you grab a menu, walk through a line, order, get a number and then grab a table.

H. takes one look at the menu and starts to grumble all over again. He wants to leave.

Me (very angrily): We are NOT leaving. I am hungry and you agreed to come here!

H: Walks up to the cash register, starts questioning what they mean by "vegetable medley" inside of the chicken alfredo and proceeds to order the alfredo.

We get our drinks, sit down, and this is what I hear from Harold....complete and utter silence for the next 10 minutes.

I apologize, I say I shouldn't have made him eat here. I know he looks forward to date night and eating something yummy...etc, etc.

More silence, then the martyr thing starts up.

H: It's fine, don't worry about it....

(Interesting note: Their plastic cups are made from corn and are 100% compostable, I thought that was pretty cool! The funny thing was, we were waiting for our cups to disintegrate. I mean, how many licks does it take to make a hole in my corn cup?)

The food comes.

Harold's is cold on the outside and lukewarm in the middle. Mine wasn't exactly warm either but it really did taste super yummy. As did Matt's and Julie's. The three of us were really enjoying our meals while we hear drop-dead silence from the fourth member of our party.

We had finished our meal when the guy in charge, Chef Ramsay (as Julie was calling him because he was yelling at his crew in the kitchen), comes to take our plates away and asks how we like it. I explain that my sweet potato fries were really limp and not warm at all, but that they tasted good. He explains that they do not deep fry their "fries" and they are working on the food heating issue and scampers away, after saying several times the phrase, "rock and roll!" I could have done without his superiority complex/attitude. Dude, you have a new restaurant here, why aren't you trying to make this right? I don't need free stuff, just a small apology and a sincere request to have me return again would have sufficed.

Guess who will never eat there again? Definitely H. But maybe Julie and I could take a swing by another time? I think we should have a cup licking contest.

As a side note: The bistro was separated into two parts with only a small partition dividing the restaurant portion with the cafe portion. The cafe portion serves dessert. When we tried to order dessert with our dinner we were told that would be impossible. We would have to order dinner, sit and eat, then go to the other side of the place to order dessert, find another table in a new, different section and eat. What the?

Baptism

2009-03-01T19:29:00.002-07:00

Thanks Julie for the shout out. I had a great time playing at the baptism. I have finally arrived at a place in my life where playing Primary songs has become super fun and not very stressful. Yay!

Happy Baptism Day!

Caloric Nirvana

2009-02-24T22:26:00.002-07:00

Today as I perused the aisles of Wal-Mart (no they aren't the only store in town, they are just the only store that carries such a wide variety of "stuff," like Payson's own mall) I was on the prowl. I wanted something super yummy and I just couldn't put my finger on what it was. I looked at the cookies. I've been checking out the shortbread for weeks. Then I look at the price (3.77) and I walk away, because the package is small and probably contains 2 pounds of butter, and I'd be the only one who would partake. There are also the Pepperidge Farms large cookies, the sugar and the molasses. Mmmmm, they looked good. But again, price! Then I checked out the pre-made packages of cookie dough. There were some oatmeal/raisin ones, which I dig, but my family doesn't. I also looked at the donuts. Six is not enough, 12 is too many, so 8 might be ok. But the 8 count packages had no variety and my family demands donut variety. I did end up purchasing candy, but not for myself I SWEAR! it is for training tomorrow, my lame attempt to get the newbies to like me. I also bought some Laughing Cow Lite cheese....mmm mmm good.....for lunches this week. But I just couldn't find the one thing I was craving....my caloric nirvana (a phrase coined by a good friend).

Now you are probably wondering what I chose. Any guesses? You all know I'm seriously addicted to carbs in any form which doesn't really narrow the field does it? You also know that if I could live and eat at a bakery the rest of my life I would consider that my own personal celestial kingdom. But that doesn't really narrow the field either.

You will never guess, so I'll spill it. I bought pre-made tapioca pudding. Man oh man I love that stuff. The pearly wonderfulness of the tapiocas really hit a nerve with me today. The little orbs slide around the creamy yumminess and create my own happy place right there inside my mouth. So carbs, yes. Baked, no. But the calorie count and the fat grams are WAY less than the shortbread or the cookie dough.

Caloric Nirvana. Usually when I'm on that kind of quest I never reach my destination, but today I completed the journey and my mouth is satisfied.

When I said this blog was "daily ramblings" I meant it...

2009-02-19T07:59:00.000-07:00

I posted about this on my private weight loss blog, but I need to say something about it here, too.

A friend of mine who had surgery the same day as me has lost 65 pounds. I've lost 32ish. She works about 6x a week, 70 minutes each time. She tracks all her calories.

I'm feeling discouraged. I am full of excuses. I've watched a bit of The Biggest Loser lately and I'm feeling like every excuse I have is just that....an excuse.

How do you prioritize yourself? To some degree I feel like I do pretty well and I make time for exercise....but not 6x a week.....and I HAVE to do 6x a week to be successful.

The Shred is rocking my world. I really love it. I tried a yoga dvd yesterday and I didn't like it at all. The Shred is my friend. I am almost to the point where I feel pretty confident about workout #1 and will probably move on to workout #2 next week. I'm just not sure I can do it 6x a week. I need to find something else to throw in there a couple of days to keep things exciting. That is why I tried the Yoga, but like I said, not for me.

My work schedule is going to change a bit starting next week and going through March or so. The new schedule will allow me to workout every morning and I'm pretty excited about that. I'm also feeling spring in the air....ok, that might be my imagination, but I desperately want to get OUTSIDE to exercise.

I know this post was a bit of a ramble.....but.....

Here is something funny: Occasionally I do urine collections for my BIL's company. I go to job sites and secure the water sources, listen as they pee, and collect a sample for drug testing. It never fails, almost every single time SOMEONE brings up poppy seeds. Come on people! One poppy seed roll isn't going to make a drug screen positive. That is a total myth.

Here is another one: Someone inevitably wants to discuss their prescriptions with me. Look, not my deal. I'm here to collect a specimen, that's it.

Another: I hope you get paid well to do this job, it must really suck to touch people's pee. Hello!! Do you see the gloves on my hand? Also, if you knew what kind of money was in the drug testing business, you would quit your job now and start a drug-testing company. Even the lowly collector gets paid well, so don't you worry about me having a grody job. And this coming from construction workers whose bathrooms are the most disgusting places I have ever seen.

Overdue

2009-02-12T16:17:00.003-07:00

No, not my books at the library...I took those back a long time ago and now I'm dealing with late fees.

Not that monthly thing....as the equipment is missing.

Not the Redbox DVD, although, yes, it is overdue.

Me posting!

Almost a whole week has gone by and nerry a thing to post about other than having a raging sinus infection. This one really knocked the wind outta my sails. I missed 1 day of working out due to the SI, Monday. Other than that, I've been a good girl! Even though my head is spinning and my ears are all stuffed up along with my nose, I still work out. Even though at some point in the workout when I go from lying down (abs) to standing up (strength) I tend to get really dizzy and wonder if I should sit down. But no!!! I carry on and do what needs to be done.

Our little boy became a Webelos last night. Crazy. He also had a birthday on Monday. We took him to Jumpin' Jacks, this little place nearby that is a warehouse filled with blow up toys to slide on. The extended fam came along and if I hadn't been feeling lousy, I would have enjoyed myself. We brought him home and had cake/ice cream and gave him presents, two of which required batteries. We hadn't checked, so yep, poor birthday boy had to wait 24 hours for batteries!

Since its been an entire decade, I'd like to reminisce a little. We were going to name him Christian. We called him Christian for a few hours even. Then we both looked at eachother and were like, NOPE, not gonna do! We love his name now, it is unique and fun and STRONG! It frequently gets misprounced and even more frequently gets misspelled. Mostly like this: Maxon. As in Max-on, max-off. Lame.

It's okay though. I knew what I was signing on for when I gave my kid a name like that. After all, I have to spell MY name EVERY SINGLE TIME I tell it to someone. Even people who've known me for years get it wrong. I try not to be offended, but sometimes I like to razz friends about getting my name wrong.

When we brought Mack home from the hospital our house got filled up really quickly with two sets of neighbors, a sister, an old mission companion and her boyfriend, and his new puppy. I was on stimulation overload. Harold couldn't understand why I told them to get everyone OUTTA there (ok, not my mom or sister). Any post-partum woman understands, right?

I can't believe it's been a decade. But, here is some good news. I weight 32 pounds less now than I did then. Wow, that rocks! Now onto my next BIG goal, weighing what I did when I got preggo with Sav. It's gonna be a while, but I'll definitely be blogging about it when it happens!

Workout #3

2009-02-06T07:15:00.000-07:00

I am not blogging about this to toot my own horn, though I do love to do that. I've been getting sick over the past couple of days. Not a cold, or a flu, or anything like that. My throat started tickling and no cough drop would touch it. Gum was a wee bit helpful. Then this little cough started up. Then last night I pretty much felt like I needed to go to bed around 8 p.m. Then the cough sounded a little more rattly. During the night I woke up with an itchy throat and a funkier cough. Then the alarm rings at 5:50.

Please NO! I waited about 10 minutes and got up to use the "facilities" (I've always hated that term). There I was, vacillating between going back to bed and putting my workout clothes on, when I had a moment of clarity, sort of. I figured that if I really wanted to make a difference today, working out when it was under less than desirable circumstances was going to be the key. I got my clothes on and headed downstairs.

As I was getting the DVD to the right place (for some reason there is all this intro stuff that is stupid to watch after the first time through) Mackson is standing there (he doesn't like to get up before 8 a.m. when it is absolutely necessary to get up to get ready for school). "Are you going to do workout #1?" (There are 3 workouts, each progressively harder). Yes, my sweet son, I will be doing workout #1. Cough, cough, hack, hack. "Are you still sick?" Geesh, I've only been sick a couple of days...but yes, I am still sick. Then he proceeds to get a nice warm blanket and cuddle up on the couch and WATCH!

Towards the beginning of the workout there are pushups. I am really, really bad at pushups. I do the "girlie" kind with my knees on the floor, and even then I struggle with all my might to do them. As I am doing them I'm thinking about my cute little boy, watching me do pushups, and probably wondering what the heck is wrong with his mother. Then comes the situps. Put your fingers behind your ear, let your abs do the work! when my son says, "In level 3 you have to go UP all the way."

Did I mention that last night while H and I were gone to ward temple night my children decided it would be "fun" to do all 3 levels of Gillians 30-day Shred? Yep. When we got home last night Mack had just gotten out of the shower and had his pj's on and Sav was almost done herself. Wow, that was fun!

Wow, that is not exactly the word I would use to describe that workout.

So there I am, on the floor, dying, and my son who is all bundled up, watching, and makes an innocent little comment about workout #3.

Darn it! I am sick! I don't feel well, I am actually doing better today than I did yesterday and definitely better than 2 days ago when I started this dumb DVD. And yet, my best today is nowhere near their casual involvement on any given day. I actually kept going and thought to myself, One of these days I will be thinner, I will be healthier, and I will be able to do workout #3 and not be ashamed to let my children watch. They will be proud and they will have a mother who worked very hard so that she could be around to see the birth of her children's children. I. WILL. BE. A. CUTE. MOM. IF. IT. KILLS. ME.! Hey, that's a little counterproductive, isn't it?

The 30-Day Shred

2009-02-04T06:58:00.001-07:00

I just got done working out with Jillian Michaels. Just a little note, it does not take 30 days to feel like she has shredded you to pieces. Who knew jumping jacks would be so difficult? Even as I type this my fingers are shaking. If I had to pinpoint the worst part of the workout it would be the jumping jacks. No lie. I did those dumb jacks back in grade school no problem. But back in grade school I did not have a chest. I need help finding a super great support bra. Yikes. She promises up to 20 pounds in 30 days. I'd be happy with 10 and I'd pretty much kiss her little hiney if she delivers.

Sorry if I offend the male readers out there with my openness, but after that workout I've pretty much lost all of my common sense. My brain feels rattled, my legs feel like rubber, I'm shaking all over, AND I couldn't be more pleased about it.

My February Work-Out Plan

2009-02-01T16:13:00.003-07:00

I bit the bullet and made a decision. I will keep going to the gym until Feb. 4th (I think that's the day my membership runs out). From that point on I will be participating in........you know you want to know........what could it possibly be?......will she walk in the freezing cold......will she become a bear and hibernate through February?......

I bought a DVD from Wal-Mart and I convinced Harold that we could give this a 1-month trial. I bought the 30-Day Shred from Gillian Michaels (The Biggest Loser trainer). I hear its a tough workout. There are three 20-minute workouts, level 1, 2 and 3, each one getting progressively harder. I also have the Leslie Sansone Walk Away The Pounds DVD that we can throw in with it since only 20 minutes of workout isn't going to cut it for me, or for Harold.

Gillian even says that I can lose "up to 20 pounds in 30 days!" If that ends up being true....I will personally call Jillian on the phone and offer her my first born! (just kidding Sav, I'll offer Jillian my third born).

I'm pretty excited to do something different and I feel like Harold and I are committed enough to exercise that we will make a go of this DVD and if we hate it, no biggie, we only have to do it for 1 month.

I also want to make it a goal after the month is up to buy a new pair of running shoes. The nice kind, the kind where you go to a fancy running store and they watch you walk and they have you try on different pairs and run around to try them out. I'm really hoping to be outside by March, but if not, I better be outside by April!!!

I don't want to go back to the gym unless ABSOLUTELY necessary!

This plan will also give me time to listen to all the music suggestions for my new workout playlist and get it loaded onto the iPod. I have been so busy lately its unreal. I will post my new playlist as soon as I get it up and running (pun not intended).

To Be or Not To Be

2009-01-30T13:28:00.000-07:00

I've been super busy this week and haven't even had a chance to check out all the workout playlist suggestions, but my goal is to do that this weekend then I will let you know what I've chosen. I actually have a few of the songs that were suggestd on my playlist already and I'll reveal my entire playlist as it stands now, as well as the new songs I decided to add. Many, many thanks for all the helpful hints.

As for the gym: My month-long membership runs out next week, on Tuesday I think. I don't want to go there anymore. It's dirty and semi-creepy there. Harold goes with me, but that is part of the problem. I don't want to pay $50/month for the two of us to go. I mean, if I don't love it, why pay so much?

However, I have no other workout plan and if I don't have a plan then I won't exercise and that is not an option. So I either have to come up with a new plan by Tuesday, or suck it up, pay the money and deal with the icky gym.

Did I mention that one of the new owners is constantly wearing a shirt that supports running as a way to get dopamine into your system instead of pornography? Yep, its true. And the other day I noticed on the bulletin board a notice that was something like this:

6. Choose to Exercise. Exercise helps your physical and mental being, suppressing depression which so often accompanies addiction.

WHAT? This whole exercise instead of look at porn crusade that is going on is creeping me out. I agree, exercise instead, but not at the gym I'm at! Ewww. I am probably going to be banished to you-know-where for being so judgmental, but I'm having a hard time with this.

Work Out Playlist

2009-01-26T09:26:00.000-07:00

Dear Readers,

A few weeks ago I made some goals for weight loss and some rewards associated with said goals. My first reward comes when I hit a number with a "0" on the end of it, but I refuse to say what the first two numbers are on this blog. My reward is to be reached by Feb 5 and I am within 2 pounds of that goal. My reward is 10 song downloads from iTunes, workout songs. Peppy, happy, encouraging songs. The kind of songs that make me WANT to run. I want to hear the song and think "I can't just walk to this song, I gotta move!"

I am enlisting your help. I have looked online for some workout song ideas in preparation for the download, and I have a few ideas, but I need more!

What songs really fire you up? What makes you want to MOVE!? Give it to me people....Share your favorite workout songs. And if you don't workout but still have some songs that really get you going...do tell!

Many thanks,
Pleasantly Close to Goal in Payson

My Unhealthy Fears

2009-01-22T22:06:00.004-07:00

I am not nimble. Never have been. And by nimble I mean able to do regular fun activities without harming myself. I used to be pretty flexible if I was by myself on a gym mat, with my legs spread out. I could bend and practically touch my nose to the floor. Or bring both feet together to touch and bring my heels in contact with my torso.

But nimble is different.

Case(s) in point:

1. Ice blocking. I tried this once. I was a bit scared because as harmless as they look, those blocks of ice can go careening off a grassy knoll pretty quickly. I was dating Harold at the time and he was a Family Home Evening "dad" and his presence was required at the activity. I got on that tiny little block and next thing you know KABAM and I'm off the block and something hurts.

2. Nature's waterslide. I was talked into this adventure by a bunch of single adults in my apartment complex in Provo. This waterslide was on private property, but someone thought it would be okay. Probably one of the males based on the amount of times I've heard Harold say the exact same thing when we are doing something I'm worried about...."It'll be fine." "It's okay!" We find the waterfall and it is pretty cool. You are supposed to wear cut-off jeans because you need a thick fabric between your bottom and the "slick rock." I try it a couple of times and, hey, it works! So on my third attempt I go to the top and 4 or 5 guys say, Lets do a train! So, I'm the engine in front and they line up behind me. Now, this is one of those times where I cannot believe my good fortune. I have all these guys vying to hang with me and think I'm cool enough to do it. Of course I'm on board! We slide down the slide, not as fast as I would have hoped so that when we get to the little spring at the bottom I DO NOT glide across the top to make room for the (what seems like) 50 burly guys behind me. So, I land...and all those guys land on top of me. This forces my two legs to split in such a way as to make any gymnastics pro proud. I couldn't get up. They were on me for a while before they piled off, I was under water. Then when I could get some air, it turns out my legs won't hold me. I literally could not walk. I had to have someone help me out of the water, down the hill and into the car. From there I was driven straight to the ER where I was x-rayed and told that I had practically dislocated my hip. I spent a week on crutches and then the next few winters feeling serious pain and aching in that hip whenever it got cold. I fear for my hip's future!

3. Skiing. This isn't an injury story per se. I attempted to go skiing as a freshman at BYU. We loaded in my roommates car and went up the mountain only to encounter a major blizzard. By the time we got to the parking lot of the ski resort we had barely escaped serious bodily injury in a close-call car collision. We decided we had to get outta there and immediately drove back home without ever skiing. When I got home my mom was freaked out because a guy from my home ward had gone skiing the exact same day and had been killed because he hit a tree. I've never tried to go skiing again.

As you can see, I'm not a sportsman. This big story is an explanation into why I haven't run for a week. I have a knee twinge. Today on the treadmill I could feel the twinge and I started picturing me stepping down wrong and throwing my knee out. Then I could picture me tripping forward on the treadmill, whacking my head on the console, and being thrust backward from there by the belt because I don't wear the "safety" pin. Then I was picturing the belt grabbing my hair and the next thing you know my scalp is gone.

This scenario reminds me of that little cartoon girl on Sesame Street who has a balloon and a straight pin and wonders what would happen if she popped this balloon and could see the consequences of her action being her old grandma getting startled in her rocking chair, rocking right over the cat's tail, the cat going wild, etc.

A couple of weeks ago my little sister and her husband went skiing. It was her first time. I asked if she had her paperwork in order, meaning did she have it in writing who she wanted the kids to go to should something terrible happen. She hated skiing by the way. And I find comfort in that. My other sister is married to a guy who is super into outside recreation. Once when she was engaged to him she was out on a boat in a reservoir with him and another brother and his wife. She got onto a tube and they started whipping her around because they think its "fun." She hated it. I take comfort in that, too. We never went camping as a family, I never went to girl's camp, outside activities just aren't something we did. We talked. We played board games. We ate yummy snacks while we did those things. That was our kind of fun. So I come by these Unhealthy Fears quite honestly.

ADDENDUM: Julie's comment on this blog post made me remember the other incident I was going to blog about. I went water skiing once in Lake Tahoe. I got up on my first try! Then as I sat there bobbing up and down in the water, imagining all kinds of icky things about what was lurking beneath the surface, it took 3 passes of the boat to get me the rope. By that time I had freaked myself WAY out and had to get into the boat. My uncle was seriously trying to talk me into trying again, so impressed by my water skiing prowess on my first attempt. I could not be swayed. Then that night I came down with a 24-hour flu, further cementing my good decision about not returning to the frigid waters. I'm a boat rider, but not a water sports girl either.

Oh Sweet Mystery of Life

2009-01-21T22:02:00.003-07:00

I spent almost one week away from my not-so-beloved gym. My last visit was Thursday the 15th. I didn't go on Friday because we were leaving for Boise and we didn't return until Monday early evening. I got into bed around 9 p.m. that night, exhausted from the trip (why is it that driving can really suck the marrow out of life?), and proceeded to read until about midnight. A good book can really get me hooked, and I had just started the new Grisham paperbook, The Appeal. I knew I was in trouble.

Then the alarm gives a resounding BEEP, BEEP, BEEP at 6 a.m. on Tuesday and guess what? I hit snooze, just once. Then after 9 more minutes of precious sleep, it started up again, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP. This time I just took the bull by the horns and turned the dang thing off.

So last night I swore I would get up this morning. I did it. Harold did it. We headed off to the gym and ~voila~ I'm back in the dingy, dirty gym. Ick.

But I couldn't run. I just couldn't. I didn't have it in me today. I am extremely worried about injuring myself because let's face it, I'm no Twiggy. And, putting the added strain of running onto these almost-40-year-old joints is sketchy at best. But, when I feel strong, I'll run again! I am hoping tomorrow I can do a little bit.

On another good news front: My band is finally in a good place. I got an adjustment two weeks ago and I can really tell the difference. And, the scale is creeping down again. For all those out there dying to know the weight loss secret: Eat less, move more. TAH-DAH!

Another good news front: I bought some 100% Grapefruit juice today. I know I'm not supposed to drink calories but I haven't had it in a long, long time and it sounded sooooo good. And it is.

If anyone is confused about the title of this post or the picture, go out and rent Thoroughly Modern Millie with Julie Andrews in it. And save a place for me, Holley and Julie.

We Had to Break Up

2009-01-13T14:55:00.002-07:00

ALERT: Mr. White has an injury. I'm not sure what happened but some time between last Friday and today he got a rip in his belt. I am heart broken. But, like every first boyfriend I've learned a lot from him and feel like I am a better person because I knew him. I will have to stay away from him from now on. I have enough baggage of my own and feel like I am healthy enough to move on to another machine and not be bogged down by the baggage he now brings into our relationship. There will always be a special place in my heart for Mr. White, my first running love.

Mr. White

2009-01-12T10:08:00.003-07:00

Dear Mr. White,

I know we've only had a couple of dates, but I feel I must write this letter to let you know just how much I am into you. Even after I saw you last, on Friday, I walked away feeling really good but not really realizing that the feeling was in large part due to YOU. When I walked into the gym this morning all ready for this morning's exercise journey and found you were taken I was devastated. How could you betray me for some skinny girl? I mean, I know that having her around is probably less stressful for you physically, but how satisfying can it be for you? The workout we do together has to be more gratifying. I don't blame you. And maybe the skinny girl doesn't know what we share together, otherwise she wouldn't make such a bold move.

When I realized we wouldn't be together today, I chose another treadmill. A black one. I think the fact that you are the lone white treadmill amongst a sea of black, more trendier, treadmills means that you and I have even more in common. We are the outsiders, the gym minorities. We belong together!

I could feel my newer, sleeker model struggling under my weight. And that made me long for you even more.

I know you don't have arms, but I just want you to know that is one of the qualities I really like about you. Other treadmills have arms and the arms just get in the way. As I walk or run with you my hands are free to move about unobstructed. But with the other men at the gym, their arms are stiff and large and my knuckles take a beating.

I was only able to run 9 minutes today and those 9 minutes were broken into 5 and 4 minutes, instead of one long run. Maybe that would have been the same with you today, but I would have known not to blame you.

I hope tomorrow will be different. I want to show you my new arm band that I purchased for hands-free walking/jogging. I think you'll really like it, I know I do. I'll be sure to get to bed by 10 p.m. so that I wake up to the alarm on the first ring. Maybe getting there earlier will mean that you will be available. I know you'll be waiting for me with open arms....I mean that figuratively of course.

Runner's High

2009-01-09T08:12:00.003-07:00

I never thought this would happen, but I actually ran on the treadmill. I did. I did it yesterday for 7 minutes and today for 11. Suddenly I wasn't so worried about the gym, its dust, and its serious need for a roof repair (hello pails set up by the bathroom to catch the roof water).

Let me start here: I was feeling super down about my lack of weight loss for the past 8 weeks. Yes, 8 weeks people! I went to get a fill for my lapband on Wednesday and my weight hasn't changed. I pretty much got into bed on Wed. night at 7:30 or so. Yes, Wed. was my 14th anniversary. I would have felt bad for my hubby, but we did a quick overnighter on Tues night so we had already celebrated. Anyway, I was in bed on Wed. by 7:30 and just laid there feeling sorry for myself. Then on Thursday morning I had to talk myself into getting up and going to the gym. I finally rolled out of bed, with a crappy attitude, and got to the gym.

I was walking along on a treadmill I had not tried before and started listening to my workout playlist. Okay, there are some crazy songs on there...like Rehab by Amy Winehouse. That is actually song #1. I started likening the song to me. Of course I don't need rehab for drugs or alcohol....but I need one for my body. Then here comes Carrie Underwood (do you think Amy and Carrie are friends in real life? Do you think I picked these songs because the girls names are the names of my sisters? Interesting.) So Carrie is singing "Before He Cheats," how she took a Louisville Slugger to some guys headlights, carved her name into the leather, slashed a hole in all four tires....etc. So, I start visualizing my fat (sorry if I'm too descriptive) and I start taking a big ole baseball bat to that sucker and the more I listen and walk, the more powerful I feel.

Then I think, Hey, I just saw some super, duper fatties on The Biggest Loser actually RUNNING on treadmills, not walking. So I think, I'll try it.

I wait patiently for the guy next to me to get off the treadmill because there is no way I'm going to embarass myself and start running with someone SO CLOSE. I wait until he is gone. At this point I have 8 minutes left. I punch the speed up and start running. And I run until I have 30 seconds left and punch it down and "cool down" for 30 seconds.

I could not believe it. My entire life I've told myself that it would take an act of God to get me to EVER run. I didn't believe I was capable. But those Big Losers inspired me...and I did it.

Then today, I repeated it. It wasn't a fluke. I actually upped my running by 50% and ran an entire 11 minutes.

I feel empowered. I feel blessed.