Thursday, April 7, 2011

A Fresh Start

I like Spring. Tulips are my favorite flower because of their ability to endure the long, cold winter and to pop up from the ground just as I feel like I need some hope. And they are extremely hardy looking and beautiful. I see myself in the same way. Hardy, enduring, and beautiful. I have a lot to offer, even with all my imperfections.

Today was my last day of work for Intermountain. When I started there almost 10 years ago I was full of fear and anxiety, wondering if I'd be able to learn everything I needed to become successful. Many of my fellow employees have left, a lot left disgruntled due to a corporate merge a few years back. I stuck it out because the corporate reshuffling didn't feel as personal to me. Soon after the corporatizing of my department, a new department opened up within transcription. Quality assurance and training. I applied and was hired, signifying that I was at the top of my game. I understood the principles of transcription, how to produce quality work in a timely manner, and I had the ability to teach this concept to others. I have been in that department for about 2-1/2 years. The original team I was hired with have all left, except my immediate supervisor. There had been a huge scheduling issue that many did not want to deal with any more. Neither did I. Due to that scheduling issue and to our family's need for a more stable financial future, I took the new job at BYU.

I clocked out for the last time today at 3:30 p.m. For some reason our department never feels the need to share which employees are leaving. Many are left wondering, "hey, whatever happened to so-so?" I told several of my friends of course, but the masses have no idea I've left.
Five minutes before I clocked out I got an IM from one of my new team members with the following message:


And she proceeded to send encouraging messages to me.

4, :) You have been such a great leader and trainer. Thank you for all you've done.

3 You are going to be terrific at your new job.

2 Finally out of your basement!!

1 You'll never be vitamin D deficient again!

And as I clocked out, alone in my basement except for the one IM conversation with Michelle, I cried and cried. Big, deep, heaving sobs.

I had felt successful at this job. I had felt like I was at the top of my game. I had felt the respect of many of my colleagues.

But here I sat, alone. No one seemingly cared. How do you leave a company after almost 10 years and people don't seem to notice?

This was the nature of my job. Alone in my basement; training, teaching and guiding from my desk chair.

But I had an angel with me today. As I thought about Michelle, who noticed that I was taking a huge step into my future today, I thought of the song, As Sisters In Zion. The line I thought of was this: The errand of angels is given to women. Michelle was on an angelic errand today, though she probably did not know it. She intuitively saw my need and came to my aid. She was my angel.

It's Spring and I need the sunshine. I need to feel the warmth on my back. I need to see the faces of my colleagues. I need to feel valued on a more personal level. I don't blame most of my coworkers for not noticing. I don't feel upset by what happened today, as the saying goes, "it is what it is."

I've never liked the whole New Year's fresh start thing. For me, my fresh start comes in Spring. I've cracked the hard, unforgiving ground of winter and am starting to make my way towards my source of light.

I didn't leave my job because I need personal contact with other adults, I get plenty of that already. But I consider it a perk that I will be able to sit side by side with some fantastic minds, learn from them, offer my skills to them, and soak in the energy of a college campus.

Spring has sprung! And Angels exist.