Monday, April 21, 2014

Yep, It's Over

My prediction has now come to pass. It is over. Savannah has agreed to be "friends."

Problem #1: She is still going to prom with him.
Problem #2: She is heartbroken.
Problem #3: People are still talking and assuming and judging. Unkind assumptions. 
Problem #4: I want to use social media to either be a.) passive aggressive or b.) downright nasty.
Problem #5: He pursued, pursued, pursued, and when things got hard, he bolted.....right back to Sav's ex-best-friend.....He is "confused." (His word, not mine.)

which leads to....

Problem #6: She now has no best friend. There are kind friendly people, but no best friend.
Problem #7: The ex-best-friend's mom is texting me about trying to resolve the problem.
Problem #8 (Which I really do NOT see as a real problem): Sav has no interest in mending the friendship when the ex-best-friend has been mean and flaunting it in Sav's face that she (the former BFF) has woo'd the boy back to her.

Sound like High School? Well it is, except it's MY daughter who is friendless and still has five weeks left of school. This should be the funnest time of her life thus far and it has turned into the worst time of her life so far. 

Read the For The Strength of Youth Pamphlet lately? Do not take it for granted, do not dismiss the recommendations because they are really more like hard and fast rules. Follow, obey and you will find peace and joy. Think they don't apply to you and regret and sadness will be part of your life. Teach your children. We did teach our children. I'm not sure what went wrong. 

Monday, April 7, 2014

Monday Mourning-Spring Break

I watched conference, all sessions. I would like to share that during the final session I started to really lose all ability to concentrate. I really enjoy conference, usually I find the measure of peace I seek, but I do have a hard time listening the entire time. I feel like I'm the only adult on the planet with this problem. Other adults seem to really have this one in the bag, they watch, take notes, make yummy food, take cute pictures, tweet and instagram and come out fully uplifted and elevated. 

I should take my own advice and stop worrying about what other people are doing or thinking. My conference experience is mine alone and it really doesn't matter what anyone else does. 

Remember my last post? Remember how I said I think about this (Sav) all the time? Yep, it's still true. I go to bed thinking about it, I wake up thinking about it. I make myself sick as I'm driving thinking about it. I put on music to distract myself, I stream scriptures, I read books. And still I perseverate. 

The one thing my mind is really hyper focused on is that she has one friend. The boy. He's great, he really is. But when the time comes that he's done, and we all know that time will come eventually, then what? She has been so hurt she doesn't trust anymore. She isn't even excited to start college in the fall, it gives her such anxiety I can see her physical self deflate as she thinks about it. 

We are talking to her about this quite often, I just don't know if it's helping her. Any thoughts? I'd love to hear what my three readers have to say. :)

And today my family is all home for spring break while I labor at work. Phooey! I'm so jealous. 

Friday, April 4, 2014

Friday Musings

I have to admit, my kids don't really know about this blog so I feel kind of free to write whatever I want about them. On the other hand, they could discover the blog fairly easily if they were to check out my google account, which could happen.

I liked this blog better when I felt more incognito. Sounds silly, right? I mean, there are a few people out there who read the blog. Not a ton, but a few. So I've never really been incognito, have I?

Things seem to have calmed down with Savannah. It's been a week since the last big outburst/problem. Do I get comfortable? Do I get complacent? I want to! I want to so badly! After three solid months of trouble, this reprieve is nice.

Sav has a friend that's a boy. The kids at school say she has a boyfriend, but I prefer the other wording. I know, it's just semantics, but it helps me deal, ok?

I want to be supportive because she is at an age where she really could start dating one-on-one and pairing off and deciding her eternal future. But dang....just because she's of age doesn't mean she SHOULD be making those kinds of decisions. In fact, I really don't want her to do that just yet. In my mind, I'd like her to go to college, meet lots of boys, date a bunch, weed out unsuitables, and settle on a great guy....but definitely not a moment before the age of 23. (And I know that age sounds young to some.)

I digress.

What I'm struggling with and what I really want to explore is this: Savannah has a friend that's a boy and she wants to spend time with him. I like the boy. He's a good kid. He is also a junior so he isn't exactly leaving on his mission any time soon. I don't feel like I can't tell her to stop seeing this boy, nor do I feel I should, so I have to set rules and then be kind of neutral. Or at least seem neutral. And this boy is really her only good friend right now. So how do I be supportive without being encouraging? How do I let her have this experience?

I want to provide safe places for the two of them to interact and be friends, but if I let this kid come over to my house all the time am I sending the wrong message? (I haven't done this, I'm just wondering.)

And if I may whine just a bit, why is parenting so hard?

Anyone out there have any personal experience with this? Parents that were too lenient or not lenient enough? Did you have rules that helped your eternal progression and not hinder it? Did you rebel? Did your parents find the perfect balance between expectations and support?

I think about this constantly.