Tuesday, August 3, 2010

I know, I know

I swore I was going to blog more, I made the announcement that I was "back." Well, I lied. Not on purpose, of course. I would never, ever lie on purpose. Except a few times as a crazy teenager. But even then I usually fessed up to my wrongdoings. I was a talker then and a talker now. I tell all.

I don't think I tell more than people want to know, but maybe I do. I just share. I don't have secrets. I don't like to hide. In fact, I end up telling people personal stuff more than once because I talk about it so much I can't remember who I've told. Now I'm pretty sure some of that is presenile dementia. (I love a good self-diagnosis. Makes me all warm and fuzzy. You gotta love a medical transcriptionist with just enough medical vocabulary and knowledge to be very, very scary.)

So, here's me telling all, fessing up. This month has been a living nightmare. No, really. I'm not kidding.

You know those people who go to church and say, "I have a hard time coming here because everyone else's lives look so perfect." You know those people? Well those people are talking about me.

Me with my wonderful husband and two outwardly decent children. No infants, no diapers. Nothing is ever wrong, it seems. We go to church every week, we pay our tithing, we sit all quiet and cleanly dressed. We serve in our callings, we don't make waves. Harold makes our yard look nice. We drive cars that work. Our children participate in YW and Scouts.

Well, I got news for "you people!" My life is far from perfect.

Having said that, I cannot in good conscience reveal why my month has been so utterly, terribly bad. Because that would violate a trust.

But, if you were ever looking around, thinking others have their "lands and gold," think again.

Count your many blessings, name them one by one.

I promise you, even though I have had a month I would rather never, ever re-live....I, too, am blessed beyond measure. I, too, am surprised at what the Lord has done for me.

Yesterday, after our horribly terrible no-good month, I was blessed with a feeling so powerful and so peaceful and beautiful that the Lord was literally WITH my dear husband. Yes, He loves us. And He loves you, too.

And that is truth.


mom/Janet said...

Wish I could help. Glad things are going better with a new month. I agree with all you said about outward appearance and people looking at you like you have it all made. Looking forward to seeing you in Park City. Take care.

Brittany said...

i only know a small part of what you've been through and even then i have no idea how hard it's been on you. just know we've been praying for your family and harold especially - like crazy! i hope things are on the up with the new month!