To Be or Not To Be

I've been super busy this week and haven't even had a chance to check out all the workout playlist suggestions, but my goal is to do that this weekend then I will let you know what I've chosen. I actually have a few of the songs that were suggestd on my playlist already and I'll reveal my entire playlist as it stands now, as well as the new songs I decided to add. Many, many thanks for all the helpful hints.

As for the gym: My month-long membership runs out next week, on Tuesday I think. I don't want to go there anymore. It's dirty and semi-creepy there. Harold goes with me, but that is part of the problem. I don't want to pay $50/month for the two of us to go. I mean, if I don't love it, why pay so much?

However, I have no other workout plan and if I don't have a plan then I won't exercise and that is not an option. So I either have to come up with a new plan by Tuesday, or suck it up, pay the money and deal with the icky gym.

Did I mention that one of the new owners is constantly wearing a shirt that supports running as a way to get dopamine into your system instead of pornography? Yep, its true. And the other day I noticed on the bulletin board a notice that was something like this:

6. Choose to Exercise. Exercise helps your physical and mental being, suppressing depression which so often accompanies addiction.

WHAT? This whole exercise instead of look at porn crusade that is going on is creeping me out. I agree, exercise instead, but not at the gym I'm at! Ewww. I am probably going to be banished to you-know-where for being so judgmental, but I'm having a hard time with this.

Work Out Playlist

Dear Readers,

A few weeks ago I made some goals for weight loss and some rewards associated with said goals. My first reward comes when I hit a number with a "0" on the end of it, but I refuse to say what the first two numbers are on this blog. My reward is to be reached by Feb 5 and I am within 2 pounds of that goal. My reward is 10 song downloads from iTunes, workout songs. Peppy, happy, encouraging songs. The kind of songs that make me WANT to run. I want to hear the song and think "I can't just walk to this song, I gotta move!"

I am enlisting your help. I have looked online for some workout song ideas in preparation for the download, and I have a few ideas, but I need more!

What songs really fire you up? What makes you want to MOVE!? Give it to me people....Share your favorite workout songs. And if you don't workout but still have some songs that really get you going...do tell!

Many thanks,
Pleasantly Close to Goal in Payson

My Unhealthy Fears

I am not nimble. Never have been. And by nimble I mean able to do regular fun activities without harming myself. I used to be pretty flexible if I was by myself on a gym mat, with my legs spread out. I could bend and practically touch my nose to the floor. Or bring both feet together to touch and bring my heels in contact with my torso.

But nimble is different.

Case(s) in point:

1. Ice blocking. I tried this once. I was a bit scared because as harmless as they look, those blocks of ice can go careening off a grassy knoll pretty quickly. I was dating Harold at the time and he was a Family Home Evening "dad" and his presence was required at the activity. I got on that tiny little block and next thing you know KABAM and I'm off the block and something hurts.

2. Nature's waterslide. I was talked into this adventure by a bunch of single adults in my apartment complex in Provo. This waterslide was on private property, but someone thought it would be okay. Probably one of the males based on the amount of times I've heard Harold say the exact same thing when we are doing something I'm worried about...."It'll be fine." "It's okay!" We find the waterfall and it is pretty cool. You are supposed to wear cut-off jeans because you need a thick fabric between your bottom and the "slick rock." I try it a couple of times and, hey, it works! So on my third attempt I go to the top and 4 or 5 guys say, Lets do a train! So, I'm the engine in front and they line up behind me. Now, this is one of those times where I cannot believe my good fortune. I have all these guys vying to hang with me and think I'm cool enough to do it. Of course I'm on board! We slide down the slide, not as fast as I would have hoped so that when we get to the little spring at the bottom I DO NOT glide across the top to make room for the (what seems like) 50 burly guys behind me. So, I land...and all those guys land on top of me. This forces my two legs to split in such a way as to make any gymnastics pro proud. I couldn't get up. They were on me for a while before they piled off, I was under water. Then when I could get some air, it turns out my legs won't hold me. I literally could not walk. I had to have someone help me out of the water, down the hill and into the car. From there I was driven straight to the ER where I was x-rayed and told that I had practically dislocated my hip. I spent a week on crutches and then the next few winters feeling serious pain and aching in that hip whenever it got cold. I fear for my hip's future!

3. Skiing. This isn't an injury story per se. I attempted to go skiing as a freshman at BYU. We loaded in my roommates car and went up the mountain only to encounter a major blizzard. By the time we got to the parking lot of the ski resort we had barely escaped serious bodily injury in a close-call car collision. We decided we had to get outta there and immediately drove back home without ever skiing. When I got home my mom was freaked out because a guy from my home ward had gone skiing the exact same day and had been killed because he hit a tree. I've never tried to go skiing again.

As you can see, I'm not a sportsman. This big story is an explanation into why I haven't run for a week. I have a knee twinge. Today on the treadmill I could feel the twinge and I started picturing me stepping down wrong and throwing my knee out. Then I could picture me tripping forward on the treadmill, whacking my head on the console, and being thrust backward from there by the belt because I don't wear the "safety" pin. Then I was picturing the belt grabbing my hair and the next thing you know my scalp is gone.

This scenario reminds me of that little cartoon girl on Sesame Street who has a balloon and a straight pin and wonders what would happen if she popped this balloon and could see the consequences of her action being her old grandma getting startled in her rocking chair, rocking right over the cat's tail, the cat going wild, etc.

A couple of weeks ago my little sister and her husband went skiing. It was her first time. I asked if she had her paperwork in order, meaning did she have it in writing who she wanted the kids to go to should something terrible happen. She hated skiing by the way. And I find comfort in that. My other sister is married to a guy who is super into outside recreation. Once when she was engaged to him she was out on a boat in a reservoir with him and another brother and his wife. She got onto a tube and they started whipping her around because they think its "fun." She hated it. I take comfort in that, too. We never went camping as a family, I never went to girl's camp, outside activities just aren't something we did. We talked. We played board games. We ate yummy snacks while we did those things. That was our kind of fun. So I come by these Unhealthy Fears quite honestly.

ADDENDUM: Julie's comment on this blog post made me remember the other incident I was going to blog about. I went water skiing once in Lake Tahoe. I got up on my first try! Then as I sat there bobbing up and down in the water, imagining all kinds of icky things about what was lurking beneath the surface, it took 3 passes of the boat to get me the rope. By that time I had freaked myself WAY out and had to get into the boat. My uncle was seriously trying to talk me into trying again, so impressed by my water skiing prowess on my first attempt. I could not be swayed. Then that night I came down with a 24-hour flu, further cementing my good decision about not returning to the frigid waters. I'm a boat rider, but not a water sports girl either.

Oh Sweet Mystery of Life

I spent almost one week away from my not-so-beloved gym. My last visit was Thursday the 15th. I didn't go on Friday because we were leaving for Boise and we didn't return until Monday early evening. I got into bed around 9 p.m. that night, exhausted from the trip (why is it that driving can really suck the marrow out of life?), and proceeded to read until about midnight. A good book can really get me hooked, and I had just started the new Grisham paperbook, The Appeal. I knew I was in trouble.

Then the alarm gives a resounding BEEP, BEEP, BEEP at 6 a.m. on Tuesday and guess what? I hit snooze, just once. Then after 9 more minutes of precious sleep, it started up again, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP. This time I just took the bull by the horns and turned the dang thing off.

So last night I swore I would get up this morning. I did it. Harold did it. We headed off to the gym and ~voila~ I'm back in the dingy, dirty gym. Ick.

But I couldn't run. I just couldn't. I didn't have it in me today. I am extremely worried about injuring myself because let's face it, I'm no Twiggy. And, putting the added strain of running onto these almost-40-year-old joints is sketchy at best. But, when I feel strong, I'll run again! I am hoping tomorrow I can do a little bit.

On another good news front: My band is finally in a good place. I got an adjustment two weeks ago and I can really tell the difference. And, the scale is creeping down again. For all those out there dying to know the weight loss secret: Eat less, move more. TAH-DAH!

Another good news front: I bought some 100% Grapefruit juice today. I know I'm not supposed to drink calories but I haven't had it in a long, long time and it sounded sooooo good. And it is.

If anyone is confused about the title of this post or the picture, go out and rent Thoroughly Modern Millie with Julie Andrews in it. And save a place for me, Holley and Julie.

We Had to Break Up

ALERT: Mr. White has an injury. I'm not sure what happened but some time between last Friday and today he got a rip in his belt. I am heart broken. But, like every first boyfriend I've learned a lot from him and feel like I am a better person because I knew him. I will have to stay away from him from now on. I have enough baggage of my own and feel like I am healthy enough to move on to another machine and not be bogged down by the baggage he now brings into our relationship. There will always be a special place in my heart for Mr. White, my first running love.

Mr. White

Dear Mr. White,

I know we've only had a couple of dates, but I feel I must write this letter to let you know just how much I am into you. Even after I saw you last, on Friday, I walked away feeling really good but not really realizing that the feeling was in large part due to YOU. When I walked into the gym this morning all ready for this morning's exercise journey and found you were taken I was devastated. How could you betray me for some skinny girl? I mean, I know that having her around is probably less stressful for you physically, but how satisfying can it be for you? The workout we do together has to be more gratifying. I don't blame you. And maybe the skinny girl doesn't know what we share together, otherwise she wouldn't make such a bold move.

When I realized we wouldn't be together today, I chose another treadmill. A black one. I think the fact that you are the lone white treadmill amongst a sea of black, more trendier, treadmills means that you and I have even more in common. We are the outsiders, the gym minorities. We belong together!

I could feel my newer, sleeker model struggling under my weight. And that made me long for you even more.

I know you don't have arms, but I just want you to know that is one of the qualities I really like about you. Other treadmills have arms and the arms just get in the way. As I walk or run with you my hands are free to move about unobstructed. But with the other men at the gym, their arms are stiff and large and my knuckles take a beating.

I was only able to run 9 minutes today and those 9 minutes were broken into 5 and 4 minutes, instead of one long run. Maybe that would have been the same with you today, but I would have known not to blame you.

I hope tomorrow will be different. I want to show you my new arm band that I purchased for hands-free walking/jogging. I think you'll really like it, I know I do. I'll be sure to get to bed by 10 p.m. so that I wake up to the alarm on the first ring. Maybe getting there earlier will mean that you will be available. I know you'll be waiting for me with open arms....I mean that figuratively of course.

Runner's High

I never thought this would happen, but I actually ran on the treadmill. I did. I did it yesterday for 7 minutes and today for 11. Suddenly I wasn't so worried about the gym, its dust, and its serious need for a roof repair (hello pails set up by the bathroom to catch the roof water).

Let me start here: I was feeling super down about my lack of weight loss for the past 8 weeks. Yes, 8 weeks people! I went to get a fill for my lapband on Wednesday and my weight hasn't changed. I pretty much got into bed on Wed. night at 7:30 or so. Yes, Wed. was my 14th anniversary. I would have felt bad for my hubby, but we did a quick overnighter on Tues night so we had already celebrated. Anyway, I was in bed on Wed. by 7:30 and just laid there feeling sorry for myself. Then on Thursday morning I had to talk myself into getting up and going to the gym. I finally rolled out of bed, with a crappy attitude, and got to the gym.

I was walking along on a treadmill I had not tried before and started listening to my workout playlist. Okay, there are some crazy songs on there...like Rehab by Amy Winehouse. That is actually song #1. I started likening the song to me. Of course I don't need rehab for drugs or alcohol....but I need one for my body. Then here comes Carrie Underwood (do you think Amy and Carrie are friends in real life? Do you think I picked these songs because the girls names are the names of my sisters? Interesting.) So Carrie is singing "Before He Cheats," how she took a Louisville Slugger to some guys headlights, carved her name into the leather, slashed a hole in all four tires....etc. So, I start visualizing my fat (sorry if I'm too descriptive) and I start taking a big ole baseball bat to that sucker and the more I listen and walk, the more powerful I feel.

Then I think, Hey, I just saw some super, duper fatties on The Biggest Loser actually RUNNING on treadmills, not walking. So I think, I'll try it.

I wait patiently for the guy next to me to get off the treadmill because there is no way I'm going to embarass myself and start running with someone SO CLOSE. I wait until he is gone. At this point I have 8 minutes left. I punch the speed up and start running. And I run until I have 30 seconds left and punch it down and "cool down" for 30 seconds.

I could not believe it. My entire life I've told myself that it would take an act of God to get me to EVER run. I didn't believe I was capable. But those Big Losers inspired me...and I did it.

Then today, I repeated it. It wasn't a fluke. I actually upped my running by 50% and ran an entire 11 minutes.

I feel empowered. I feel blessed.

Orienteering

Last night Harold and I were up late watching a movie and it was about 11:30 when we went upstairs to bed. I was busy pulling off my socks (H hates it when I sleep in socks) and about to get into bed when I look up and there stands my daughter in the doorway. She looked like she had dozed off at some point and was just staring at me. The following is our conversation:

Me: What?

Sav: Nothing.

And she walks into the bathroom. I start thinking about how she has probably been up reading or something (which is actually ok with me) and continue to get ready for bed. Then H comes out of the bathroom and says, "Is that the shower I hear?"

Me: What?

H: I hear the shower.

Me: Walk over to the kids bathroom, open the door and sure enough the girl is in the shower. "Hey, what are you doing?"

S: Taking a shower.

Me: Why?

S: Because I didn't take a shower last night.

Me: But didn't you take one this morning?

S: What?

Me: Didn't you take a shower this morning?

S: [silence]

Me: It's 11:30 at night.

S: Are you kidding me?

Me: No.

S: [very small wimpering]

Me: Why don't you make this one quick and get to bed.

S: [very softly] ok.

Poor girl, she was all disoriented and thought it was morning already!

And....for those of you ready for the next installment of Gym Rats...here you go:

This morning at the gym I chose a different treadmill to terrorize. I glance over at yesterday's TM and there is a new error. E1. Hmmm....what could that mean? E1 must be the "The owners tried to reset the treadmill after a major E6 error and were unsuccessful" error.

Anyway...I do my usual walking and chose to listen to the Wicked Soundtrack (love it!) and as I am doing so I'm wishing someone would come in with a major steam cleaner and give that place the once over. Seriously people! Dust everywhere, literally EVERYWHERE. Ick.

And...there is a spinning class at 6 a.m. and the ladies come out at some point all sweaty, emerging from a room that is dark with psychedelic lights flashing around. I can only assume that is their attempt to make hiding their nasty floppy flesh cool by turning on disco lights. Yesterday one of them who happens to be one of the new owners says to me, "You should come....come late, leave early!" Me: huh huh, yea! What is she thinking? Is that her way of letting me off the hook? Poor girl, so big, she can only handle part of the class. Whatever! I like the treadmill people. If I could invest in one piece of workout equipment for my home that would be it, and then I could avoid the humiliation of the gym. Although, at this point I feel my gym should be humiliated. Equipment breaking down, dust everywhere, prices have gone up for "improvements," like showers. No way in H-E-Double hockey sticks will I EVER shower at the gym. So their "improvements" can kiss my hiney. Improve the dang treadmill for goodness sake!

Gym Rats

I joined the local gym on Saturday. I swear it isn't because of the new year. I just haven't been exercising in about 6 weeks due to the cold weather and a bunch of laziness, so it was time to join, and there was money in the account.

Our local gym is a no-name brand kind of gym. There is no pool. It is located in a run-down building. The walls are covered with this board with a bunch of holes because that is where the former owners used to display clothing/racks. Apparently the bathrooms are a complete dive, but I use the toilet at my house before I leave so I haven't had to step foot in there yet. The equipment is kind of dirty. And...the weight limit on the treadmills is 275. What the heck? So, ultra fat people don't need to use a treadmill? Seriously people, that is so lame! They should have at least one heavy-duty treadmill, don't you think? This is one of the reasons I hate gyms, they aren't made for people who REALLY need a gym.

Anyway. Harold and I descend upon the gym this morning bright and early, despite our lack of sleep from a 9 year old with a stomachache. I get my tired butt onto a treadmill and about 15 minutes into the workout the machine stops cold turkey. I was busy busting a move to my new "workout" playlist on H's iPod when all of a sudden, SLAM, BAM, Thank you Ma'am. The error code was E6. Do you think that means ultra-heavy chick has worn out the belt on the treadmill? I have no idea, I didn't ask, and I didn't like it.

So, I hop over to a different treadmill because there are plenty available because, despite this being the first Monday of the new year, apparently not very many people in Payson, Utah have resolved to exercise more this year (at least not at my gym). There I am, walking along on the second treadmill of the day, and it feels "off." Kinda of out of balance, leaning towards the right.

I don't know about you, but I have to SERIOUSLY concentrate when walking on a treadmill. If I don't, I'll go flying off and that would get pretty ugly. So my concentration has to be kicked up to a whole new level because of the leaning treadmill of pizza (yes, that is one of the reasons why I have to use the dang machine in the first place).

Thankfully, out of the other three people on the treadmills, two were overweight. This makes me feel a little bit better. But one of the guys did give me the "what did you do" look when my treadmill gave me the E6 error. Seriously dude, you are the same size as me, don't look at me that way! Maybe the E6 error means "hey girl, you aren't going to want to walk next to the dude on your right, when he gets his 30 minutes in on the treadmill he gets ultra stinky...move away...ASAP!" So there.