Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Return and Report

You know how I blog about exercise and weight loss? You know how a few weeks ago I said I was all motivated to exercise again? You know how I've been holding steady on my weight for a long, long time?


After I blogged about exercise I ended up exercising twice. Then I lost my motivation again. Then this week I told H. "That's it! I'm going OUTSIDE in the bitter cold to walk, are you coming with me?" To which he responded, "Yes."

We walked Monday and Tuesday. Then this morning I just couldn't face the cold. Just couldn't.

So, I get on the scale and I've been seeing it creep up a bit here and there and I am now 2.5 pounds above my threshold. Could that be from no exercise and eating an entire shake last night? Not to mention that I keep buying candy "for my purse." Take 5's, Reese's, etc. Plus I made a quiche last night that was ultra-fatty (and delish).

But I am here to tell you....even though staying in bed feels nice, and even though eating candy sure tastes good going down, and even though I cannot blame 2.5 pounds on just a couple of days, and even though I work on my back side for A LOT of hours each day, and even though I've been turning to food lately for comfort.

I'm done.

I feel icky. Super, duper icky. I need to bottle this feeling and open the bottle up at 6 a.m. every day so that I remember I'd rather be out in the crazy coldness than sit at my desk feeling like crud.

I can open my bottle of ickiness while waiting at the checkout, as I slyly eyeball the candy.

I can open my bottle of ickiness while I sit at dinner and take 30-45 minutes to eat ALL I WANT....even though my band nurse tells me to stop eating after 20 minutes. At 20 minutes the bottle will be unleashed so that I take the plate away and STOP.

I can open my bottle of ickiness every single day while I count calories, because I'd rather do mental calorie calculations than sit here feeling so gross.

I cannot even describe how gross I feel right now. I haven't exercised this morning, I haven't eaten anything yet, I haven't gotten showered or dressed (I'm in a robe). I have 11 hours of work ahead of me today.

All the yuck adds up people and I feel as if I'm wallowing in ICK.

Oh, and financially I don't know if I can go to nursing school. And, if I start back now, I'd be going to school as my kids go through some very serious formative years. If I could do school all by itself w/o working....I could do it. But we need my paycheck.

So, I'm feeling all sorry for myself on all kinds of levels today.


Jeff said...

I wallow in ICK all the time to. Most recently it was yesterday when I sat watching TV and kept eating Banana Choc Chip cookies and kept thinking "I should go for a walk." Believe me, we have all been there. It's hard. Getting/Staying in shape is a full time job and really, who has time for that? Anyway, hang in there. I hope you have a better day.

Erin. said...

I've been floating in the "ick" pool since January. I keep telling myself I'll go back to the gym after all the OTHER new years resolutioners leave. Why, oh why, don't you live up the street from me?? We could be motivational buddies....I'll pray for you and you pray for me to get off our lazy hineys.

jess said...

At least tomorrow is another day, a fresh start, and hopefully, and end to the ickiness. Good luck! :)

Abbie said...

I felt exactly that way last night. I can't believe I'm even writing this down but I ate half a quart of Blue Bell ice cream and then ate and entire package (probably 8oz) of Fromage D'Affinois which is an imported soft cheese from France. I ate that on top of crackers with a bit of jam. I got into bed feeling so sick after LOST and then still felt that way this morning.

Bridget is a part of a blog where everyone shares vegan and vegetarian recipes. And that's it, they just share the recipes, they don't give their two cents worth about eating healthy. I could recommend some really delicious yet healthy recipes. But I know that when it comes down to it, me eating that ice cream (oh and I had had gelato a few hours earlier!! Forgot that) and the entire cheese isn't going to do anything for eating a meatless meal.

You're not alone Jeanna.

Holley, Dane Brien & Wesley Berry said...

I know how you feel. We really do need to start channeling Grandma and make our health and well being a priority. 2010 has to be the year!

I know you can do it and so can I. We had the best example in the world. I love you and I'm praying for you...I hope you'll do the same for me.