You know how I blog about exercise and weight loss? You know how a few weeks ago I said I was all motivated to exercise again? You know how I've been holding steady on my weight for a long, long time?
After I blogged about exercise I ended up exercising twice. Then I lost my motivation again. Then this week I told H. "That's it! I'm going OUTSIDE in the bitter cold to walk, are you coming with me?" To which he responded, "Yes."
We walked Monday and Tuesday. Then this morning I just couldn't face the cold. Just couldn't.
So, I get on the scale and I've been seeing it creep up a bit here and there and I am now 2.5 pounds above my threshold. Could that be from no exercise and eating an entire shake last night? Not to mention that I keep buying candy "for my purse." Take 5's, Reese's, etc. Plus I made a quiche last night that was ultra-fatty (and delish).
But I am here to tell you....even though staying in bed feels nice, and even though eating candy sure tastes good going down, and even though I cannot blame 2.5 pounds on just a couple of days, and even though I work on my back side for A LOT of hours each day, and even though I've been turning to food lately for comfort.
I feel icky. Super, duper icky. I need to bottle this feeling and open the bottle up at 6 a.m. every day so that I remember I'd rather be out in the crazy coldness than sit at my desk feeling like crud.
I can open my bottle of ickiness while waiting at the checkout, as I slyly eyeball the candy.
I can open my bottle of ickiness while I sit at dinner and take 30-45 minutes to eat ALL I WANT....even though my band nurse tells me to stop eating after 20 minutes. At 20 minutes the bottle will be unleashed so that I take the plate away and STOP.
I can open my bottle of ickiness every single day while I count calories, because I'd rather do mental calorie calculations than sit here feeling so gross.
I cannot even describe how gross I feel right now. I haven't exercised this morning, I haven't eaten anything yet, I haven't gotten showered or dressed (I'm in a robe). I have 11 hours of work ahead of me today.
All the yuck adds up people and I feel as if I'm wallowing in ICK.
Oh, and financially I don't know if I can go to nursing school. And, if I start back now, I'd be going to school as my kids go through some very serious formative years. If I could do school all by itself w/o working....I could do it. But we need my paycheck.
So, I'm feeling all sorry for myself on all kinds of levels today.